Son asked if I'm angry at his mom

Dec 31·1 min read

My 11-year-old randomly asked me this last night while I was making dinner. I wasn't expecting it. I said no (which is true - I'm not angry, more just... done with her). But now I'm wondering if the way I talk about custody stuff or logistics is making him think I'm mad. I don't badmouth her to the kids but I also don't hide that co-parenting is a thing we have to actively work on. Is that okay? How do you keep kids out of the emotional stuff without lying to them?

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Comments(4)

TTom R.RegularDec 31

The fact that he felt comfortable asking you is actually a good sign. Shows he trusts you. I'd keep it simple, age-appropriate, and reassure him that angry at mom doesn't mean angry at him.

TTyler M.New DadJan 1

This hits different when they're old enough to sense the real dynamics. At 11 he's picking up on more than you probably realize. Being honest (within reason) about the situation might actually help him feel less anxious than vague reassurances.

TTom P.RegularJan 2

That's a tough one. Did you ask him why he was wondering that? Sometimes kids pick up on tension they see between parents even when we think we're hiding it pretty well. I'd probably reassure him that any frustration you have is between adults and has nothing to do with how much you love him.

MMatt S.RegularJan 1

Mine asked something similar after overhearing a tense phone call with their mom. I just told him straight up that parents can disagree about stuff but it doesn't change how we feel about him. Kids need that clarity.