My oldest just apologized without being forced to and I don't know what to do

Dec 151 min read

He knocked over his sister's tower of blocks on purpose (we saw it happen). Usually it takes like 30 minutes of us explaining why it was wrong and he acts like it's torture to apologize. Today he just... walked over to her and said "I'm sorry, that wasn't cool." No prompting. No nothing.

I played it cool but inside I was losing it. Is this character development? Are we finally getting somewhere? Or is this a one-off and he's going to be back to his usual chaos next week? Either way, I'm taking the W.

10 comments345 views

Comments(10)

SSam F.New DadDec 16

That's huge actually. Genuine unsolicited apologies mean the lesson is starting to stick. Don't blow it up or over-celebrate it weirdly, just acknowledge it and move on. You want this to become normal behavior not a shock event.

MMax R.RegularDec 16

Yeah I'm wondering the same. I feel like there's a way to acknowledge it that doesn't accidentally train him that apologies = reward

NNate C.New DadDec 17

So did you say anything to him about it or just let him sit with the good feeling?

PPaul M.RegularDec 16

Just let him know you noticed and you're proud of him. Keep it simple. A lot of parents mess this up by making it into this big thing and suddenly the kid learns apologies = praise seeking instead of genuine regret.

HHugh S.RegularDec 17

My son did this at like 6.5 and it felt like a miracle. The crazy thing is once it clicks, it actually starts happening more often. Like his brain finally processed the cause and effect. Doesn't mean perfect behavior but the willingness shifted.

FFrank T.RegularDec 18

Bruh celebrate this quietly. One genuine apology without drama is worth like 47 compliments. He's learning

SScott W.RegularDec 16

I have no idea what the "right" move is here either but I'm pretty sure the answer isn't to act shocked or make it weird. Just be like "thanks for apologizing, that took character" and roll with it

TTony G.RegularDec 18

This is amazing. The 30-minute apology negotiation phase is SO real and exhausting. Enjoy this milestone, this is the stuff that actually proves parenting works sometimes

MMike F.RegularDec 18

This is genuinely one of the biggest wins. Honestly just say 'hey I saw that and I'm really proud you apologized on your own.' Don't make it weird. That's the moment where he learns that doing the right thing feels good.

RReggie K.New DadDec 18

That's actually a huge developmental moment. Don't overthink it. Just acknowledge it, tell him you're proud, move on. The more you make a thing of it the weirder it gets