My oldest is getting her own used iPhone for her birthday (she's 11) and I want to set up some controls without being totally restrictive. I know Apple has Screen Time but does anyone use third party apps that work better? Also any tips for setting boundaries that won't make her hate me?
Screen Time limits in Settings is your friend, you don't need a separate app necessarily. We use it with our oldest and it's been fair without feeling like we're spying on her. You can set different limits for different times.
We use a combo - the built-in Screen Time plus having actual conversations about what apps are for. My kids know the limits aren't punishment, they're guardrails. Sounds like you're already thinking about this the right way.
The app itself matters less than having her buy in. Sit down and set the limits together. Let her have input on the numbers. She'll respect it more if it feels like you're partners in this, not you policing her.
Screen Time by Apple is solid for what you need, but also remember that apps are just part of it. The bigger conversation about why you're setting limits matters too. An 11-year-old can understand the reasoning if you explain it right.
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That age is tricky because they need some independence but yeah, you gotta have eyes on things. Built in parental controls do the job pretty well without her feeling totally locked down.