Caught my 12 year old daughter on TikTok at 11pm - need advice

2w ago1 min read

So my wife and I just found out our daughter has been sneaking her phone into bed and scrolling TikTok until like 11:30pm on school nights. She's been moody, her grades are slipping, and now we know why. We took the phone away but I feel like I failed here. How do other parents handle this? Should we use an app blocker or is that too invasive? She's getting to that age where privacy matters to her but also clearly she can't be trusted with unlimited access. Really frustrated with myself right now.

7 comments192 views

Comments(7)

RRick M.Regular2w ago

At 12 she's gonna want that stuff no matter what. Instead of just banning it, maybe negotiate actual boundaries? Like phone charging in your room at night, specific usage times, whatever. Otherwise she'll just get sneakier.

DDerek M.Regular2w ago

Yeah that's rough but you caught it which is what matters. The phone-at-bedtime thing is a bigger problem than you might think for her sleep and school performance. Might need to establish a charging station outside the bedroom.

MMarcus J.Regular2w ago

That's a tough one. At 12 we had to have a real conversation with our kids about screen time limits and why sleep matters. I'd sit down and explain the why behind the rule instead of just making it a punishment thing.

GGreg W.Regular2w ago

This is the digital parenting stuff that keeps me up at night too. Maybe try working with her on a compromise instead of just confiscating it. Kids are more likely to stick with rules they had a hand in making.

KKyleRegular2w ago

The phone-in-bed trick is classic. My oldest tried something similar and yeah, that's a wake-up call about boundaries. I'd say less about banning TikTok and more about having a conversation about why she felt like she needed to sneak it. There's something there worth understanding.

MMikeRegular2w ago

11pm scrolling at 12 is wild but also not surprising anymore. This is the age where they're testing limits. I'd be curious what she's actually watching too - some of the stuff on there is pretty harmless and some is absolutely not. Maybe check her watch history?

NNolan D.Regular2w ago

Oof, the sneaking is the bigger issue than the TikTok honestly. That's a trust thing. With my two on split custody I try to keep things open so they don't feel like they need to hide stuff from me. Might be worth talking about that angle.