She's 11 and says she needs it for school projects and to stay in touch with friends. Honestly I'm not ready for her to have Instagram access yet. What age did you guys cave and get your kids their first phone? And what parental controls are actually worth using?
Here's the thing though, if all her friends have phones and she doesn't, that's its own problem socially. I'm not saying give in but the peer pressure is real at that age.
My kid made the same argument. I compromised and got her a basic phone with limited features and no data plan. She can text and call but that's it. Might work for you guys?
11 is honestly not unreasonable for a phone, but I'd maybe push back on the 'she needs it for school' thing. Schools let kids use devices at school, so that argument doesn't really hold up. We waited until 12 for our daughter and no regrets.
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Our oldest got hers at 12 and we set up all the parental controls from day one. School projects can still happen on a laptop or tablet. The friend thing is the real driver here and that's okay to acknowledge but still say no to.