My 13yo asked if she could join a Discord server for her gaming friend group. I said yes but honestly I have no idea what Discord even is or how to monitor it. I know there's predator stuff out there but I also don't want to be the overbearing parent who hovers over everything. What are the actual safety risks I should be aware of? Should I ask her to share her username or would that be weird?
The key thing with Discord is she can set her account to private and can control who DMs her. She can also disable notifications so it's not a constant dopamine loop. It's not inherently unsafe, but like any social thing, context matters. Who's running the server? Is it all kids from her actual friend group or internet randoms?
Discord isn't inherently dangerous but there ARE predators in gaming servers so you're right to think about it. Here's what matters: can you join the server with her? That's the actual solution. You don't need to monitor her DMs but being present in the group chat helps.
The overbearing parent energy is actually the instinct to monitor. You can ask her to show you how it works, check it occasionally without creeping, and have a conversation about stranger danger. That's the sweet spot between informed and intrusive.
Honestly? Join the server yourself and lurk. You don't have to be obvious but being present changes behavior. Most server admins are other kids' parents anyway.
Replying to joining yourself - this is actually solid. It's not hovering if you're just... in the room. She'll probably ignore you and you'll get a sense of the vibe.
Discord isn't inherently dangerous but it's also a place where predators do lurk, yeah. If it's a closed server with just her friend group, pretty safe. If it's an open gaming server with 200 randoms, more risk. What's the specific server situation?
You can't really "monitor" Discord like you could Instagram or TikTok. But you can: ask her about who's in the servers, make sure her account privacy is tight, tell her the rule about not adding strangers. Then trust her and check in periodically.
The predator risk is real but overblown for 13yo in friend group servers. The bigger risk is her giving out info (address, school, etc) without realizing. Have the conversation about what NOT to share rather than forbidding it entirely.
Okay so Discord basics: it's text and voice chat, can be in "servers" (like group chats) or direct messages. The predator risk is real-ish but mostly about who she's talking to. Set it up together, get invited to her server, check in casually. You don't need to monitor everything but you can see the channels and general activity.
At 13 she probably already has a Discord anyway even if you said no, so honestly letting her have one and teaching her safety is better than her hiding a secret one. Just have the conversation about not sharing personal info and not streaming her location or whatever.
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Real Discord safety: disable DMs from people not on her friends list, make sure the specific server is moderated well, and check in occasionally about who she's talking to. That's it. You don't need to be creepy about it.