Was doing routine computer maintenance and saw Discord installed. He's been using it to chat with friends from school which seems harmless but also he's in some gaming servers with random people. Not sure if I should be worried or if I'm being paranoid. What's the actual risk here and how much monitoring is too much?
I'd say talk to him about it - let him know you found it and that you're not mad, just want to understand who he's chatting with. My son's at that age where friends are everything, so Discord makes sense, but definitely set some ground rules together.
Discord itself isn't bad, but definitely have a conversation about who he's talking to and what servers he's in. My 11 year old uses it too and I made him show me his friend list. Turns out it was mostly his soccer team which actually made me feel better.
The friend safety thing is real. I'd ask him to add you to the server or at least know who the moderators are. Not trying to be creepy but you want to make sure it's legit kids his age and not some random 30 year olds.
Just had this conversation with my oldest last month. He got defensive at first but once I explained I wasn't trying to spy, just keep him safe, he actually seemed relieved. Kids that age want some privacy but they also appreciate knowing someone's looking out.
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We've done a bunch of road trips and I've learned the hard way that you gotta stay involved with what the kids are into. Maybe ask to see his server, meet his friends virtually - keeps things transparent without being overbearing.