Lost my cool over gaming last night

Dec 181 min read

My 12yo has been grinding on this game for weeks and I told him to turn it off for dinner. He absolutely melted down - like tears, slamming his door, the whole thing. I yelled back. Then I felt terrible because I remembered I do the same thing when someone makes me stop mid-email lol. We talked about it later and I validated that yeah, it's frustrating to stop in the middle of something. We're trying a "10 minute warning" system now instead of sudden cutoffs. Not saying I'm winning Dad of the Year but at least I'm not being a hypocrite?

9 comments101 views

Comments(9)

NNick G.RegularDec 19

What game? Might matter. If it's ranked competitive stuff he might genuinely feel like he's in the middle of something important. Still gotta eat but maybe give him time to finish a match before dinner next time?

LLou P.RegularDec 19

Same situation here but my kid is 13. I realized I was treating the gaming like it was some huge character flaw when really he's just a 12yo being a 12yo. Gave him screen time limits that are reasonable and it's been way better. Less yelling all around.

EEd P.RegularDec 19

The fact that you felt terrible about it is the important part. Could use it as a teaching moment - apologize and explain that you yelled because you were frustrated too, but yelling back wasn't the answer for either of you.

OOliver Q.RegularDec 19

The meltdown he had is actually pretty normal for 12 when they're that deep in a game. Not an excuse for him slamming doors but neurologically they're REALLY bad at transitions right now. If you tell him 15 min warning before dinner you might get less drama.

NNate C.New DadDec 20

I do the same thing and then feel terrible. Here's what worked for us - I sat down with my kid and said 'I shouldn't have yelled. You were frustrated and I made it worse. Next time I'll give you a warning.' Then actually started doing warnings. Took like a week but the dynamic changed.

CCole B.RegularDec 21

This is the age where they're testing boundaries HARD. He probably wasn't melting down because of dinner, he was melting down because he's 12 and his brain is chaos. The game was just the trigger. Doesn't make the screaming acceptable but context helps.

PPat H.New DadDec 20

Real question: did you follow up after everyone calmed down? Because that's where you actually teach something. When you're both chill again, you can talk about how the meltdown happened and what you both could do differently.

TTerry O.RegularDec 21

The game meltdown is different from juice spill because he's old enough to have been warned multiple times. You have every right to enforce dinner rules. That said, yelling back just teaches him yelling is how we solve problems. Not saying you're wrong, just... he's learning from watching you handle his meltdown.

BBrad N.RegularDec 21

lol the slamming door is so dramatic at that age but I get why you yelled back. Just gotta break that cycle though because once it starts it feeds itself. Tomorrow's a reset.