My kid found a way around the parental controls and I don't know whether to be mad or impressed

Jun 201 min read

So my 14 year old figured out how to bypass the screen time limits I set on his phone. He changed some settings I didn't even know existed. Part of me is like okay that's actually smart but the other part is frustrated because now what? I can't lock everything down or he'll resent me. Had a talk with him about trust instead of punishment and we're working out new boundaries together. Not sure if I'm handling this right but at least we're talking about it. Anyone dealt with this?

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Comments(7)

BBradRegularJun 21

That's a tricky moment. Part of me gets why you'd be impressed because that shows smarts, but he's still crossing a boundary you set. Maybe use it as a chance to talk about trust and responsibility instead of just getting mad about the technical breach?

AAdam R.RegularJun 21

Ha, this is the tech version of me finding my dad's old cassette tapes hidden in the garage. At 14, he's basically earned a certification at this point. The question is whether you want to channel that problem-solving into something useful or keep playing cat and mouse with parental controls. Maybe time for the conversation instead of the software?

SScottRegularJun 21

This is the age where they're going to push back on restrictions. The fact that he figured it out shows problem solving skills but you're right to address it. I'd go with understanding first, then consequences. Don't just tighten everything down or he'll just find another way around it.

EEric M.RegularJun 20

I'm torn too because that's genuinely clever and shows initiative, but also you need him to respect the boundaries you set. I'd be curious what he was trying to access that warranted the bypass. Sometimes kids are smarter about knowing what they need than we give them credit for.

KKyleRegularJun 20

Mad first, then have a conversation about it. He's 14, not getting around Fort Knox. But you've got to understand why he felt like he needed to. Is the limit reasonable for his age? Is he just testing boundaries? Big difference there.

JJosh M.RegularJun 20

Honestly? Be impressed but also have a conversation about it. That's actually a sign he's clever and figures out how to solve problems, which isn't bad. The issue is he's using it to break the rules you set. I'd focus on why he felt like he needed to bypass it instead of just punishing the workaround.

JJosh M.RegularJun 20

This happened with my oldest too. I ended up sitting down and asking him why he needed to bypass it instead of just punishing the behavior. Turns out he was sneaking time to talk to friends late at night. Once I understood the why, we could actually solve it instead of just playing tech cat and mouse.