Online predator scare - advice needed

Nov 261 min read

My 13yo daughter was gaming online with randoms and one person asked her to move the conversation to Discord. She didn't, told us immediately, and we shut it down. She did everything right but now I'm FREAKED OUT. We've talked about online safety before but clearly I need to do more. What actual conversations do you have with teenagers about this stuff? Not "don't talk to strangers" but like... real talk? Any resources that don't sound condescending?

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Comments(11)

MMike F.Regularjust now

Your daughter did absolutely everything right. Seriously - told you immediately, didn't engage with the sketchy person, didn't hide it. You're not failing. That said, the conversations need to keep happening naturally because this stuff is always evolving. Not a "one big talk" situation but ongoing stuff. And honestly, monitor without being creepy - just general awareness of who she's gaming with.

AAaron W.Regular1d ago

Concrete steps: Set it so Discord DMs from non-friends auto-block. Talk about why the person asked her to move (isolation from the group = red flag). Check in on her games occasionally without being creepy. But don't swing to helicopter mode or she'll stop reporting.

GGary R.Regular14h ago

This is genuinely one of the scariest modern parent things and I feel your fear. But also - she did the rare thing that so many teens DON'T do. That means your foundation with her is good. Keep it that way by staying calm and continuing to have these conversations regularly instead of one big terrifying talk.

MMatt W.Regular11h ago

The fact that she told you immediately means your relationship is solid. That's actually the thing to reinforce more than the fear about predators. She trusted you and came to you = she'll keep doing that if you don't overreact. Real talk conversation about why she shouldn't move convos off platform (harder to have receipts if something weird happens), why she shouldn't share personal info, standard stuff. But she nailed the hardest part which is speaking up.

DDom F.Regularjust now

Don't let the freak-out show to her or she'll stop telling you stuff. She did the right thing. Instead of getting scared, ask her what she already knows about online safety. Bet she knows more than you think. Then fill in gaps from there. Common Sense Media has good resources for this age.

MMatt J.Regular5h ago

She did everything right. That's the actual win here. Now instead of panic mode, treat it as a chance to build more specific safeguards. What does she play? Who does she normally game with? Set some actual boundaries around gaming with randoms.

KKurt D.Regularjust now

Don't do the "we need to have a serious talk" thing that will scare her away from reporting next time. Just casually mention "hey, what you did was exactly right and I appreciate you telling me. If anything weird happens again, same thing - just let me know."

AArchie M.Regularjust now

Good resource: Common Sense Media has actual specific guides for gaming safety that are better than "don't talk to strangers." Also look into parental controls for whatever platform she uses - not to spy but to limit who can contact her.

KKenny W.Regularjust now

The fact that a 13yo is gaming with randoms online is pretty standard but yeah, the move-to-Discord request is a classic grooming tactic. She handled it perfectly. Your job now is to normalize her reporting these things vs getting in trouble.

KKeith L.Regularjust now

The fact that she told you immediately is HUGE. That's exactly what you want. But yeah, the instinct to freak out is normal. Now you need to turn that into actual ongoing conversations about online safety without trauma-bonding over the scare.

FFrank K.Regularjust now

13 is the age this stuff ramps up so trust your instinct to be more involved. Not helicopter but aware. She passed the "what do you do" test. Now it's about ongoing conversations about consent online, sharing info, etc. And yeah, gaming with randoms is inherently riskier than other gaming.