The Discord situation with my 12yo

Dec 161 min read

His friend group moved their gaming chat to Discord and now I'm trying to figure out what Discord even is. From what I can tell it's just chat for gaming? But I'm seeing posts online about predators using it to target kids.

I don't want to be the "no Discord" parent but I also don't want to be naive. Do I need to monitor his Discord? Can I even do that? How do other parents handle this without making it a huge thing?

10 comments268 views

Comments(10)

DDan T.RegularDec 16

I was paranoid about this too when my 11yo started using it. Ended up having her show me around, made her promise to tell me if anyone ever asks to game privately or asks personal questions. She actually rolls her eyes at how much I worry but respects the boundary. The fact that you're paying attention already puts you ahead of most parents tbh.

MMitch R.RegularDec 16

Set up parental controls through Discord's Family Center if he's under 13. You can see his DMs, friend requests, etc. Also worth having him keep it on his main gaming PC in a common area rather than on a phone where he can chat anywhere.

EEli L.RegularDec 17

Your instinct to be cautious is good. I'd suggest asking him to show you the server, meet his friends' parents if possible. Most friend-group servers are fine but you'd be surprised how easy it is for random people to join some of them.

TTerrence M.RegularDec 17

The predator risk is real but honestly smaller than the time-suck risk. My 12yo was on it for "gaming" and suddenly he's in 8 different servers, up til 2am chatting. I had to just set hard limits on usage hours.

AAdam J.RegularDec 17

this is so relatable. my kid wanted discord for the same reason. i just made him use it on the family laptop in the living room. he hated it but i felt way better and honestly he stopped caring after a week.

BBob G.RegularDec 18

Discord is basically group chat + voice + file sharing all in one. Gaming is the main use but it's way more than that now. The predator thing is real - the issue isn't Discord itself but that it's hard to moderate since servers can be private. I'd honestly just ask to join the server so you can see what they're talking about. Kids that age think parents on Discord are weird but it's better than being completely in the dark.

TTom R.RegularDec 16

Former gamer here - Discord communities can actually be pretty wholesome when it's just local friend groups. The creepy stuff usually happens in huge public servers with thousands of randoms. Your son's friend group server? Probably fine. Just maybe have a convo about not joining other servers without asking you first.

RRyan G.RegularDec 18

Discord is basically a giant chat app split into different servers (groups). Gaming servers have text and voice channels. The predator thing is real but it's the same as any online space - depends on the server settings. Is it a private server with just his friend group or some big public one?

RRob K.RegularDec 18

The online posts about predators prey on parent anxiety but Discord itself isn't inherently dangerous - it's the same risk as any platform. What matters: private servers with known people, what channels he has access to, and whether he knows not to DM strangers.

OOliver Q.RegularDec 18

lol the 'seeing posts about predators' spiral. Yeah it exists but 12yos in a friend group chat is pretty low risk compared to a kid talking to strangers. That said, def set some ground rules - no sharing personal info, don't accept friend requests from people they don't know IRL, etc. Make it about internet safety in general not "Discord bad."