14yo swears TikTok is fine and everyone has it. I've read the stuff about algorithms and dopamine and whatever, not to mention the data privacy nightmare. He thinks I'm being a Luddite. We're at this weird standoff where he's on it on his friend's devices at school anyway, so what's the point of banning it at home? Do I give in and monitor it, or keep holding the line?
The dopamine/algorithm stuff isn't you being a Luddite, it's literally how the app is designed. The data privacy nightmare is real too. Your concerns are valid even if he thinks they're paranoid.
He's not wrong that everyone has it, but that's the worst argument for why he should have it. 'Everyone does it' is how you end up with a 14yo who thinks he needs TikTok to exist socially.
My 14yo has TikTok and honestly it's been... fine? But I follow her account, check it regularly, and we talk about what's on there. Not saying let him have it free reign, but the total ban might push him to hide stuff worse.
Instead of debate mode, maybe ask him what specifically he wants to do on TikTok? Because that might show you whether it's FOMO or actual interest. Could change how you approach it.
The 'everyone has it' argument never lands with teens. But showing him TIME BREAKDOWN of how much time he'd spend scrolling vs actual friends? That sometimes clicks better. Make it about his actual life.
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The algorithm thing is real and you should die on that hill. At 14 his brain is literally still developing impulse control. TikTok is DESIGNED to exploit that. Not paranoia.