Got a 9yo and an 11yo. The 11yo desperately wants one, says he needs it for friend group stuff. I'm leaning toward 12 but wife wants to wait until 13. What did you guys do? And be real - does the kid actually NEED it for social reasons or is that just what they say?
We did 12 and immediately regretted it because now there's constant negotiations about screen time. 13 might honestly be better so they're old enough to understand consequences
Real answer: it depends on YOUR kid's maturity level, not the age. My 10yo is more ready than my 13yo friend's kid
I'd split the difference and do 12. By then they have actual homework that might need it, and socially they're more ready
The 'need it for friend group stuff' is like 50% real. Yeah there are group chats but kids honestly don't need a phone for that - there are other ways to stay connected. The other 50% is just peer pressure and FOMO.
The 'I need it for friend group' thing is partially real but also partially them using it as leverage. My 11yo said the same thing - got him a phone at 12 and barely uses it
Does your 11yo have actual established friendships or is this more FOMO? That's the real question. If he's got a solid friend group yeah maybe they text more
The 'friend group stuff' thing is actually becoming more real though, especially as they get older. Group chats, TikTok sharing, stuff like that. It's annoying but it's real.
Be honest with your wife about what you're actually worried about. Because if she's worried about screen time/addiction that's one conversation, but if you're worried about safety that's a different one. My wife wanted to wait and I wanted earlier - we compromised with parental controls.
Real answer: give it a year. The 11yo won't actually die without a phone. And by 12 you'll have way better sense of whether they're ready to handle the responsibility that comes with it.
We waited until 13 and honestly? Our kid was fine. She complained for like a month and then forgot about it. The other kids managed to socialize without her on group chats lol.
Get a flip phone if you're worried. Seriously. Calls and texts only. Friends can text him, solves the 'social' issue without TikTok
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12 seems reasonable. By then they're usually more mature about not sharing passwords and actually understanding consequences. Your 11yo saying "all my friends have one" is accurate but also like... not all their friends do lol