Leading by example is harder than I thought

1w ago1 min read

Got cut off in traffic this morning and said some things I shouldn't have. My daughter was in the backseat and heard everything. We talked about it and I apologized to her and told her daddy makes mistakes too but we have to do better. I think it's actually important for my kids to see me fail and then see me try again and ask for forgiveness. That's real faith not just perfect behavior. What's something you've had to model for your kids that was tough?

10 comments165 views

Comments(10)

MMike R.New Dad1w ago

Yeah the example thing is brutal. I've got three kids so I mess up at least once a day in front of them. What helps me is apologizing to them directly about it. Sounds weird but my kids actually respect me more when I own my mistakes than when I try to pretend I'm perfect.

SScottRegular1w ago

Man, that's rough. The good news is your daughter is going to remember that you recognize it and work on it way more than she'll remember the outburst. I had a similar moment last month on the highway and immediately apologized to my kids when we got home. They actually seemed to respect that I owned it. Modeling accountability is just as important as modeling patience.

CChristopher M.New Dad6d ago

Man, this hits home. Did the same thing last week and my oldest just stared at me from the car seat. The guilt was worse than the traffic. Been trying to acknowledge it with them after, like 'hey daddy made a mistake and shouldn't have talked like that.' Not sure it's working but at least they see me trying to do better.

KKevin L.New Dad1w ago

Man, I feel this one. Got honked at last week and my son was right there, caught me mid-word. The fact that you talked to her about it right after shows you're already doing the leading by example thing better than you think. That's the whole lesson right there.

TTony L.Regular1w ago

This is exactly the kind of thing I stress about too. But honestly, owning it with your daughter like you did teaches her way more than never slipping up ever would. She'll remember how you handled it.

DDerekNew Dad1w ago

Kids are gonna see us mess up, that's just reality. What matters is what comes next, and sounds like you handled it the right way. You're not perfect, and that's actually what they need to see.

CChris T.Regular1w ago

This hits different when they're watching. I do a lot of deep breathing before I get behind the wheel now specifically because I know my 8 year old is paying attention to everything I do. The traffic thing is tough because it comes out of nowhere.

CChristopher M.New Dad1w ago

The fact that you're even thinking about this means you're already doing better than most. My therapist helped me realize that kids don't need perfect parents, they need parents who acknowledge when they mess up. Have you talked to her about it yet?

MMike R.New Dad1w ago

Yeah, I've been there. Got cut off at a light with my kids in the car and said some choice words. The hardest part for me was realizing that leading by example means showing them how to recover from mistakes, not just avoiding them. How did your daughter react?

CChris T.Regular1w ago

This is exactly why I started therapy last year. I realized my kids were picking up on my stress and anger patterns. It's hard work but worth it. Have you thought about talking to someone about managing those traffic moments?