What does 'leading by example' actually look like with teenagers?

1w ago1 min read

My oldest is 14 and I feel like the usual stuff isn't landing anymore. He sees me go to church on Sunday but he can tell when I'm not really engaged, you know? I've been trying to have real conversations with him about why I actually believe what I believe instead of just expecting him to follow along because I said so. Invited him to come pray with me sometimes and he actually said yes a couple times. I'm realizing leading by example at this age means being genuine about my own struggles with faith, not pretending I have it all figured out.

13 comments175 views

Comments(13)

CChris M.Regular1w ago

This hits hard. With my oldest being 14 now I realized real quick that 'because I said so' stopped working around age 12. He catches me in my contradictions now and honestly calls me out on it. I think the leading by example thing means actually admitting when you're wrong and being consistent about what you claim to believe.

KKyleRegular1w ago

14 is tough because that's when they start having their own opinions and they can tell when things don't add up. I think the church on Sunday thing only lands if the rest of your life backs it up during the week.

GGreg H.Regular1w ago

This resonates with me because family dinner is when I feel most real with my kids. They don't care if I mess up the recipe, they care that I'm actually there and engaged. Maybe find something where you can be genuinely present with your son instead of just performing?

PPatrick W.Regular1w ago

Yeah man, my 14-year-old calls me out all the time when I'm just going through the motions. I think they can smell inauthenticity from a mile away at that age. Maybe it's less about being perfect at church and more about showing him what actually matters to you in real life, you know?

VVincent L.Regular1w ago

Fourteen is that age where they're starting to figure out what they believe in themselves. My daughter started questioning everything at that age too. I'd say just be honest about your own faith journey rather than pretending to have it all figured out.

CCraigNew Dad1w ago

With my oldest at that age I stopped trying to convince him and started just living my faith in front of him. We have actual conversations about what I believe and why instead of me just telling him what to think.

JJamesRegular1w ago

The usual stuff definitely doesn't work at 14. They see through it. What landed with my teenager was being willing to admit when I'm wrong or struggling with something spiritually. That honesty meant more than any lecture.

DDerek M.New Dad1w ago

Your 14 year old is probably at the age where he's questioning everything anyway. I think what lands is when he sees that you actually live out your faith when nobody's watching, not just on Sunday. The hypocrisy detector at that age is brutal.

NNathan K.New Dad1w ago

At that age it's less about the church attendance and more about whether you're actually living the values the rest of the week. Does he see you being kind? Honest? Owning your mistakes? That lands better than any sermon.

MMatt B.Regular1w ago

I've started having real conversations instead of just telling mine what to believe. Like actually asking what he thinks and listening instead of just waiting for my turn to talk. It's slower but it feels like it matters more.

MMatt B.Regular1w ago

Leading by example with a 14 year old is basically showing up, being honest about your own struggles, and actually following through on what you say you believe. He can smell BS from a mile away. Just show him how you're trying to be better, even when it's hard.

NNathan R.New Dad1w ago

This is the real challenge, right? We can't just tell them anymore, they have to see it. I'm struggling with this same thing.

CChris M.Regular1w ago

My oldest is 16 and honestly the best thing I did was ask him what he thought instead of telling him. Makes him feel respected and he's way more open to talking. Teenagers need to feel like they have a voice.