Not in a sad way, just real. My kids are 4 and 7, and some days feel manageable and other days I feel like I'm drowning. People keep saying "just wait, middle school is worse" or "the teenage years are hard." Like... when does it actually get easier? Or is this just the reality now? Asking for a friend (it's me, I'm the friend).
dude same. some days I feel like I've got this parenting thing figured out and other days I'm convinced I'm messing everything up. The inconsistency is the weirdest part - like why is Tuesday so smooth and Wednesday is a dumpster fire?
Once they hit school age and can actually read and play video games independently, you get actual breathing room. Doesn't solve everything but it changes the game. The constant supervision thing ends around 9-10 for most kids.
The people saying "just wait" are the worst. Yeah, some phases are harder than others, but that doesn't make your current struggle less real. 4yo + 7yo is legitimately demanding. You're not drowning because you're doing it wrong.
This right here. Everyone talks about the toddler years like they're easy once you get past them, but 4 is still basically a tiny drunk person making terrible decisions. 7 is old enough to have opinions but not old enough to listen to reason. That combo is rough.
One thing that helped me: I stopped expecting it to get "easier" and started expecting it to get "different." The 4yo won't throw a fit about socks anymore, but now the 10yo is in advanced math and I can't help. Different problems, same amount of stress, just moved around.
My hot take: 4 and 7 is when it's hardest because you're managing two completely different developmental stages at once. Once they're both school-age (say 5-6 years apart) or both in school full-time, you suddenly have actual time to breathe. That's when it gets noticeably easier.
lol the "asking for a friend" bit got me. but real talk - those ages (4 and 7) are legitimately some of the hardest because they need constant supervision AND you can't reason with them yet. once they hit like 9-10, they can actually entertain themselves for 20 minutes.
When mine turned 8, something clicked. We could have actual conversations, they could get themselves breakfast without burning the house down, and bedtime stopped being a 2-hour negotiation. Not saying it's all sunshine but the daily grind definitely lightened up.
Nailed it with this post. Everyone romanticizes their older kids' phases and forgets the actual reality. Middle school sucks in different ways. Teenagers are hard in different ways. But right now? Yeah, it's hard. And that's okay to admit.
Honest answer? Different parts get easier, different parts get harder. The 4yo tantrums will stop, sure. But then you've got homework battles, sports schedules, and a 13yo who won't talk to you. Trade-offs, man.
I think the real shift for us was around 10-11. Suddenly they actually listen sometimes. Can be left unsupervised for 30 mins without returning home to a disaster. But yeah, 4 and 7 is basically playing defense mode 24/7. That's just the reality of that stage.
Real talk? I found the 5-8 window actually harder than now that mine are teenagers. At least now when my 15yo is in a mood, I can literally just leave them alone. A 4yo in a mood? There is no escape.
my dude, you're in the thick of it. 4 and 7 is peak chaos energy. That said - the drowning feeling might also be about expectations. I dropped my need to have a "perfect" routine and just went for "everyone alive at bedtime" and suddenly it felt way more manageable
Have you tried actually scheduling some time where you're NOT in crisis mode? Like even 30 mins on a Saturday where someone else has the kids? I was drowning until I realized I hadn't had a single hour to myself in months. Game changer.
Genuine question though - when you say manageable vs drowning, is it the same stuff that's hard both times or does it change day to day? Like is it mornings, evenings, bedtime specifically?
Okay but for real though - does "easier" mean less time-consuming or less emotionally draining? Because those are two different things. The logistics of teen years might actually be lighter but the mental/emotional stuff can hit different.
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The fact that you're asking this honestly instead of pretending everything is great actually means you're doing fine. Most parents are drowning too, they're just not saying it out loud. You've got two ages that have basically zero chill - that's legitimately hard.