Need advice: wife wants me to quit my hobby to spend more time with family

Dec 241 min read

So I've been into woodworking for about 5 years now. Nothing serious, just a garage setup, but I spend maybe 8-10 hours a week out there. Recently my wife mentioned that the kids (7M, 5F) barely see me on weekends because I'm always in the garage. She didn't say "quit" exactly but the implication was pretty clear. Part of me gets it but also... I need this? It's the one thing that's just mine, you know? How do other guys balance this? Am I being selfish?

12 comments116 views

Comments(12)

DDave K.RegularDec 24

This is tough because your wife has a point AND you have a point. 8-10 hours a week is legit though. That's a real hobby. But the question is: are you doing the kids bedtime routine and drop-offs and all that during the week? Context matters.

TTom E.RegularDec 25

Honestly? Take the L and adjust. Your kids are 7 and 5. Those years go FAST. You'll have time for the garage when they're older and more independent. My oldest is 14 now and I have all the garage time I want but I'd trade it to have those chaos years back.

RRandy B.RegularDec 26

Didn't you say the kids barely see you though? That's the part that stuck with me. Maybe negotiate to like 5-6 hours and use the other time for actual presence, not just physical proximity.

RRich B.RegularDec 25

lol this could blow up either direction depending on who you talk to. Half will say you deserve your hobby, half will say your wife's right. Real answer: 7 and 5 year olds do eventually want to hang in the garage and watch dad. My son's actually into woodworking now at 11 because he spent time out there growing up.

SStan D.RegularDec 25

Don't quit the hobby. But also don't be defensive about this. Have an actual convo with your wife about what she's really worried about. Is it that she's overwhelmed solo parenting those hours? That you're checked out? That she misses you? Those all have different answers.

WWyatt C.RegularDec 24

You're not wrong to want your hobby. Your wife's not wrong to want more family time. The real answer is probably you find 5 hours instead of 10 and your wife gets protected time for HER thing too. It's not about the woodworking, it's about balance.

RRuben A.New DadDec 25

8-10 hours a week is legit significant time though. Not saying your wife is wrong but that's worth actually sitting down and looking at your schedule together. Maybe you're missing bedtimes or something specific, not just the raw hours?

DDanny G.RegularDec 26

Bro this is the exact same position I was in. Here's what worked - I talked to my wife about WHEN not WHETHER. Told her I'd cut it to 5 hours on weekends and we'd do a family thing every Saturday morning instead. It's a compromise but honestly I see my kids more and I'm way less stressed about the woodworking. Win-win.

GGreg M.RegularDec 27

I had this exact fight. Turned out my wife wasn't mad about the woodworking, she was resentful that I had 8 hours of solo time doing something I loved while she never got a break. Once we fixed THAT problem (me watching the kids while she did her thing), the garage time stopped being an issue.

PPat H.New DadDec 27

The garage setup is cool but ask yourself honestly - are the kids interested in what you're building? My dad did woodworking and completely ignored us. Now he's trying to teach my son and they bond over it. If your kids have zero interest in being near the garage that's the actual issue.

DDanny R.RegularDec 26

This hits hard man. My wife said something similar last year. Turned out she was feeling invisible, not that she literally hated woodworking. Once we talked actual feelings instead of just "spend more time," everything shifted. The garage wasn't the problem, it was that she felt alone.

CCarlos M.New DadDec 27

Make it a compromise where kids can come hang out with you sometimes even if they're not actually working. My kids think dad's garage is the coolest place. Now I get my hobby time AND quality time. Wife's happier, everyone wins.