My 8-year-old asked me something totally reasonable the other day and I just automatically said "go ask your mom." She looked disappointed and I immediately felt like garbage. I didn't have a good reason, I was just scrolling on my phone. Had to own up to it and actually answer her question. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I do this constantly and hate myself every time. "Ask your mom" when I'm clearly just not paying attention. Kid knows the difference between a real reason and me just not wanting to engage.
This one stings because it's so easy to do and the solution is so simple - just answer the question. Your 8yo will remember the mom who answered way more than the mom who said "ask your dad." You already know this though based on how you felt.
The phone scrolling part is the honest bit here. We all do it but kids notice immediately when they're not worth putting the device down for. At least you fixed it.
We do this because we're exhausted and kids feel like an infinite demand queue. But yeah, saying "ask your mom" when we're just scrolling is basically saying "your question isn't worth my attention." Owning it like you did is what matters.
The fact that you noticed her disappointment and actually went back to answer properly means she'll remember the better interaction, not the first one. Good recovery.
100% - I catch myself doing this and then feel guilty. But it's worth being present for the actual question instead of halfway listening while on my phone.
This one hits different because you immediately recognized it was lazy parenting. That's the win - not the mistake but catching yourself and fixing it.
Did your kid ask you something again after you answered, or did the damage feel permanent? Curious if they bounced back or if they got more withdrawn.
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Dude this hits hard because it's the "I was lazy and made the kid feel like their question wasn't important" thing. I do this too - "ask your mom" when really I just couldn't be bothered to engage. The fact that you called yourself out and actually answered is good but yeah, that look of disappointment is rough. I try to catch myself now by putting the phone down first.