My dad ruled with an iron fist and honestly it made me resentful as a kid. I'm trying to be different with my own boys. I want them to respect my decisions and follow my leadership because it makes sense, not because they're scared of me. Trying to find that balance between firm and fair. Anyone else rewriting that script?
Breaking the cycle is hard work but so worth it. I've noticed my kids are actually more willing to listen to me now that they know I'm not going to blow up at them. Fear keeps kids in line for a few years but respect lasts.
You're on the right track man. Kids respond so much better to explanations than to just being told to shut up and listen. My dentist brain makes me want to control everything but kids need to understand the why behind rules. Respect is way more effective than fear.
This is the way. My dad did the same iron fist thing and yeah, we have a relationship now but there's still some walls up. I made a conscious choice to be more open with my kids and honestly it's made everything better. They actually want to talk to me about stuff instead of hiding things.
This is something I'm working on too. My dad was the same way and I swore I'd be different. The hard part is not yelling when they're pushing your buttons. I try to remember they're not trying to disrespect me, they're just testing boundaries. Respect has to go both ways.
Respect over fear is the key to actually raising kids who want to follow your guidance instead of just doing things because they have to. Props for breaking that cycle, man.
Same journey here. The difference between explaining why a rule exists versus just saying 'because I said so' is night and day. Kids respect you more when you treat them like they deserve respect.
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Real talk - this made me evaluate how I talk to my kids when I'm frustrated. It's so easy to fall into that authoritarian mode when you're tired. Being intentional about it takes way more energy but it pays off.