My dad taught me the old fashioned way and I turned out fine

2d ago1 min read

Been thinking a lot about how my father raised me. He was strict but fair. He expected respect, he made us work for what we had, he never made excuses. These days people talk about that approach like it's abuse but it built character in me and my brothers. We all turned out to be solid men with jobs, families, integrity. I'm trying to do right by my own kids the same way but sometimes I wonder if I'm being too hard on them.

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Comments(6)

VVincentRegular14h ago

I get what you're saying, but I think there's a difference between respect and fear. My dad was similar and yeah I turned out okay, but I spent a lot of years in therapy unpacking some stuff. I'm trying to find that middle ground with my kids where they respect me but also feel safe talking to me about anything.

RRyanRegular1d ago

Strict but fair is probably the sweet spot honestly. The problem is when it tips too far one way or the other. What does strict look like for you now that you're a dad?

DDerekNew Dad10h ago

The 'I turned out fine' thing is interesting because we don't always see the stuff we're carrying from how we were raised until we start raising our own kids. I thought I'd do exactly what my dad did, then my 5 year old flinched when I raised my voice and something just broke in me.

DDaniel R.New Dad1d ago

The 'turned out fine' thing is tough because we all think we turned out fine, but then we have our own kids and realize some stuff could've been different. Not saying your dad was wrong, just that there's different ways to get the same respect and values.

PPatrick M.New Dad2d ago

This is interesting because strict can mean a lot of different things. Fair is the key word though. My dad was strict but never arbitrary, and that made all the difference. Respect you earn is better than respect you demand.

RRob H.Regular1d ago

I get what you're saying but I think there's a middle ground between strict discipline and being a friend to your kids. My old man was the same way and yeah I learned respect, but I also learned to hide stuff from him. With my two I'm trying to be firm but also someone they actually want to talk to, you know?