My wife keeps saying I need to be more involved in household stuff and parenting but I work 50 hours a week to keep a roof over our heads. I provide, I work hard, I come home and I'm present. But somehow that's not enough anymore? Maybe I'm old fashioned but a man's job is to provide and protect. When did that stop being respectable?
Both things can be true though. You ARE providing by working that hard. But kids are weird, man. They want Dad's attention more than they want another video game. Maybe try finding some smaller ways to be involved that don't require a total schedule overhaul. Even 15 minutes of actual focus time makes a difference.
Nothing wrong with being the provider, but your wife's saying something real. Being involved doesn't mean doing her job, it means being an actual parent. That's not extra, that's the baseline.
The thing is providing is just one part of the job. My ex and I had this exact argument when we were together. I thought if I was out earning the money I was doing my part. Then we split and suddenly I had to show up for homework and bedtime and all of it. Turns out kids remember you being there way more than they remember the stuff you bought them.
Providing is important, but being present is just as important. You can provide and still be involved. Those aren't mutually exclusive. My wife and I had to find that balance and it's been way better since we did.
I get the 50 hours thing but here's what I learned - your kids aren't going to remember how much you worked. They'll remember if you showed up. Maybe that's not 50 hours of work though.
Man I get it, you're grinding 50 hours to provide and that's legit important. But your wife's point isn't that you don't work hard enough. She's saying the kids need their dad too, not just his paycheck. I work a ton as a working dad and I realized real quick that showing up matters as much as bringing home the bacon.
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I work 50 hours too and still get the same talk. But here's the thing - household stuff and parenting isn't extra credit, it's just parenting. Your kids need more than just a paycheck.