Anger management help - losing it over dumb stuff

Dec 251 min read

Last night my 8yo didn't put his shoes away and I absolutely blew up. Yelled, made him cry, the whole thing. And I KNOW it's not about the shoes. I think it's because my work review didn't go great that day and I brought it home. But knowing that doesn't help when I'm already angry. Anyone have actual tactics that work? Not just "take deep breaths" cause that's useless when you're already at a 10.

11 comments292 views

Comments(11)

DDwayne S.RegularDec 25

been there. I started doing breathing exercises literally the moment I felt the irritation spike and it's wild how much it helps. just 4 counts in, hold for 4, out for 6. breaks the anger cycle

GGreg M.RegularDec 25

sorry man, that work review stuff is rough. do you have a way to decompress BEFORE interacting with the kids after stressful days? gym, walk, literally anything?

FFrank T.RegularDec 25

This self-awareness is huge though. The fact that you KNOW it's not about the shoes puts you like 10 steps ahead of where a lot of dads are

DDan W.RegularDec 26

That work review is probably sitting in your nervous system still. Your brain's looking for a reason to blow off steam and boom - shoes on the floor. I do this exact thing

DDominic E.RegularDec 26

shoes = shoes but also work stress + frustration = volcano. your kid gets that you were mad at the situation not him? my 8yo remembers the yelling more than my apology tbh

JJoel F.RegularDec 27

the fact that you recognize it's not about the shoes puts you ahead of like 80% of people. have you talked to him about what was actually bothering you?

DDrew H.RegularDec 26

i started telling my kids "daddy's frustrated about work stuff, not about you" when i feel it building. doesn't stop the reaction always but at least they know it's not their fault. might help?

BBrad H.RegularDec 27

Real talk - when you feel it coming on now, can you step away for like 2 minutes? Go to the garage, splash water on your face, something. That tiny pause saves everything

LLarry K.RegularDec 27

Going back and apologizing to him for how you reacted (not for being disappointed about the shoes, but for YELLING) actually fixes a lot of this. My therapist pointed out I was teaching my kids that when adults get upset, we yell. Changing that pattern is slow

MMike R.New DadDec 27

man this resonates. i had a similar breakdown over spilled juice last week and yeah it was definitely about the stupid work stuff, not the juice. the guilt after is almost worse than the yelling

SSteve B.RegularDec 27

honestly consider talking to someone about the anger stuff - not because you're a bad parent, but because you clearly care about getting better. a few sessions could help you recognize the pressure building before you explode