Anger management is harder than I thought

Dec 31 min read

My wife and I have been doing better since I started working on my anger issues but jesus it's exhausting. I catch myself getting heated with the kids over things that don't matter and I have to physically remove myself. Go to the garage, count, breathe, whatever. Some days I do great. Some days I yell and then feel guilty for hours. Are there any good anger management resources for dads specifically? Most stuff I find seems generic or just tells you to go for a run or whatever.

10 comments478 views

Comments(10)

FFrank K.RegularDec 3

Have you looked into whether you might have undiagnosed ADHD? I was the same way, angry all the time, finally got diagnosed and medicated and it's like someone turned the volume down on everything. Not saying that's your issue but the exhaustion from constant anger management can be a sign

SSam P.RegularDec 3

The physical act of stopping yourself mid-anger is genuinely one of the hardest things I've done as a dad. Good on you for catching it instead of just yelling. That takes real awareness.

KKurt D.RegularDec 4

it IS exhausting because you're basically rewiring your brain on the fly. every time you catch yourself and choose differently you're literally building new neural pathways. doesn't make it less tiring but at least there's a reason

DDave K.RegularDec 3

I've been there. The catching yourself is actually the win - that's your prefrontal cortex doing the heavy lifting when it's already exhausted. It gets easier but yeah it's brutal. What helped me was like... literal timeout for myself before addressing whatever tiny thing set me off

WWill S.RegularDec 4

What kind of stuff are you doing to work on it? I'm struggling with the same thing - my kid spills something and I snap at him instead of just... cleaning it up

PPaul M.RegularDec 5

The fact that you're self-aware enough to work on it and notice when it's happening puts you ahead of most. That exhaustion feeling when you catch yourself is actually growth happening, even though it sucks to feel it

GGreg W.RegularDec 5

My wife said something similar to me - that watching me try to manage it was more impressive than if I just never got angry. Kids spilling juice isn't worth my sanity or their fear. You're doing the thing.

MMark A.RegularDec 5

Dude this is real and it sucks because nobody talks about it. You're literally rewiring your nervous system in real time while sleep-deprived and covered in spit-up. Props for catching it before snapping on them though, that's the hard part.

JJames H.RegularDec 4

Have you tried like... removing yourself physically for 2 mins? I go splash water on my face or step into the garage when I feel it coming. Breaks the feedback loop before I say something I don't mean.

TTodd N.RegularDec 5

The fact that your wife noticed improvement means your kids are seeing it too even if they don't say it. Keep going, you're doing the work