I'm constantly worried I'm messing up my kids. Did I yell too much today? Am I teaching them right values? Is that one bad moment going to affect their future? My wife says I'm overthinking but I can't turn my brain off. I love my kids more than anything and that's almost making it worse because the stakes feel so high. Anyone else dealing with this level of anxiety about parenting?
The fact that you care this much tells me you're not messing up. I used to spiral over little moments with my kid, but I realized the constant worry was the real problem, not my parenting. Maybe it's worth talking to someone about the anxiety itself?
I had to talk to my therapist about this exact thing. Turns out perfectionism is the enemy of actually being present with your kids. You're gonna yell sometimes. You're gonna mess up. They're gonna be fine. Actually better than fine - they'll learn that adults aren't perfect either.
This hits different. I'm constantly running the replay of my day in my head too - did I snap at them for no reason, am I teaching them enough, etc. What I've learned is that worrying THIS MUCH actually means you probably ARE a good dad because a bad dad wouldn't care. That might sound simple but it's helped me a lot.
The fact that you're even asking this question means you're doing better than you think. My kids remember the good stuff way more than the times I lost it. Give yourself some grace here.
Have you thought about talking to someone about the anxiety spirals? Because what you're describing sounds exhausting and it's not something you have to white-knuckle through alone.
Sign in to join the conversation.
Man, I feel this so much. Co-parenting taught me that one bad moment doesn't define you as a dad - it's how you show up the next day that matters. You're clearly thinking about your kids' wellbeing, which means you're already doing better than you think.