Anyone else feel like they're failing at everything right now?

Dec 191 min read

Work is mediocre, my marriage feels like we're just coexisting, I'm not the dad I want to be, I haven't called my parents in weeks. Everything just feels... thin? Like I'm spreading myself so thin that I'm failing at all of it instead of being decent at any of it. My therapist says this is a thinking pattern I need to work on but man, the evidence really does seem to suggest I'm just not good at this whole dad/husband/employee thing. How do you push back against that voice that tells you everything's falling apart?

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Comments(12)

JJamal W.RegularDec 19

This might sound dumb but go to therapy if you can. Not because something's wrong with you but because that 'thin' feeling usually means you need someone to help you sort the actual priorities from the guilt trips. Self-help advice from internet bros only goes so far.

HHenry M.RegularDec 19

The 'thin' feeling is real and it's not in your head. You're literally stretched across too many things that all require different versions of you. Work-you, husband-you, dad-you, son-you (to your parents). Something's gotta give or you need to be okay with 'good enough' on most of them.

KKenny W.RegularDec 19

The marriage coexisting thing hits hard. Have you talked to your wife about it or are you both just... existing? Because sometimes you can't fix work or be perfect dad but you CAN tell your partner "we need to connect" and mean it.

MMiles B.New DadDec 19

Okay but which part matters most to you? Like if you could fix ONE thing would it be work, marriage, or relationship with your kids? Start there instead of trying to be better at everything at once.

BBen D.RegularDec 19

That thing about coexisting with your wife hit me hard. That's the one that needs attention first probably? Everything else is just background noise if the partnership is running on empty. Can you carve out even 30 minutes this week to actually talk to her about it?

VVic G.RegularDec 21

the 'not the dad I want to be' part resonates. Here's the thing though - wanting to be better IS being better in some ways. The dads who don't care don't have that thought. You're already in the self-awareness zone which is actually huge.

CCarl S.RegularDec 20

This post needs to end with "...and I'm gonna see a therapist" tbh. Not judging, I'm saying it because you clearly need more help than a dad forum can give you. You're in it.

DDerek P.RegularDec 20

The parents thing is easy to fix at least - just call them for 10 minutes this week. Get that one off the list. Won't solve everything but removing one guilt point helps. Then maybe pick the ONE other thing that's bothering you most and focus there.

TTom R.RegularDec 20

The fact that you haven't called your parents in weeks while feeling like you're failing - that's your brain telling you something. You probably need support, not more responsibility. Reach out to someone.

DDave K.RegularDec 20

"thin" is the exact right word and I don't see enough dads talking about it. You're not failing at everything, you're just spread so thin that nothing feels deep. Call your parents this week. Not because you should but because it might give you ONE thing that doesn't feel stretched.

LLiam S.RegularDec 20

Mediocre at work is actually okay. Like genuinely. Your job doesn't have to be your identity. Being present for your family is harder and more important. If work is paying bills that's doing its job even if it's not fulfilling.

DDante J.New DadDec 21

You can't pour from an empty cup and you're describing an empty cup. Might need to actually say no to something or lower expectations somewhere temporarily. What would feel best to drop for the next month just to breathe?