This might sound weird but I feel so isolated. I'm with my kids all day, my wife every night, coworkers all day at work. But I don't have actual friendships anymore? Most of my buddies drifted off when the kids came and I don't have the energy to rebuild stuff. My dad and I don't talk much. So I'm just... alone? In a way that being busy doesn't fix? Is this just what being a parent is?
being WITH people all day and being KNOWN are two completely different things. your wife and kids need different things from you than a buddy would. have you tried just... texting an old friend for no reason? see if anything's still there?
This hits different. I'm surrounded by people constantly and still feel like nobody actually knows me. The drifting away of buddies thing - that happened to me around 40. Work friends aren't real friends and family relationships are their own thing.
Same. I have like three conversations a day at work and go home and I'm still lonely. Wife's great but she can't be your entire social life. Started joining a rec basketball league just to have people I see regularly. Helped more than I expected.
The thing nobody tells you is that being surrounded by people who depend on you doesn't actually fill that lonely tank. It's the opposite sometimes. Your coworkers are there for paychecks, your kids need dad-mode, wife needs partner-mode. Nobody's just there for you.
Have you thought about what kind of friendship you're actually missing? Like, are you wanting to talk about dumb stuff without it being about parenting/work? Sports league? Gaming buddies? Book club thing? Because the type matters for how you find it.
Coworkers aren't real friends though—they're forced proximity. Kids and wife are great but that's not the same as having someone you choose just to hang with. The buddies drifting is the real loss. Have you reached out to any of them about actually grabbing a beer?
Same situation here. Realized I hadn't had a real conversation with another dad in like 8 months despite coaching my kids' teams. Started a dumb golf league just to have something scheduled with the same guys. Sounds shallow but it actually helped. Consistency matters.
Have you thought about a therapist? Not because something's wrong but because sometimes you need to talk to someone who's just... listening. Not your wife, not your kids. Sometimes that gap is real and legitimate.
This isn't weird at all. You can be surrounded by people and still lonely if there's no actual connection. The drifting when kids came around is real—friendships need maintenance and most of us just... stopped doing that part.
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This is the weird part about being a present dad and husband - you're doing everything "right" but you're also kind of isolated. Friendships need maintenance that competing for time with family stuff doesn't leave room for.