Anyone else get rage blackouts when their kid won't listen?

Dec 271 min read

My 4yo has been testing boundaries like crazy lately and yesterday I completely lost it over him not putting his shoes on. Like, I went from 0 to yelling in like 2 seconds and I scared him. He got really quiet and I just felt like the worst parent. It's not the first time either. I've been snapping at my wife too. Is this normal or do I need to talk to someone about anger management? I don't want my kids growing up thinking it's okay to explode like that.

11 comments73 views

Comments(11)

DDanny R.RegularDec 28

Have you looked into anger management stuff? Not like you're broken, but there are actual tools for this. Some people respond really well to breathing techniques or removing themselves from the situation for 2 minutes. Sounds simple but it actually rewires your stress response over time.

RRick J.New DadDec 27

The shoe thing is so specific and relatable it's painful. Like why does "put your shoes on" become a nuclear issue? I think it's because it's the 47th time you've asked in 5 minutes and something in your brain just... breaks

JJames H.RegularDec 28

This is real and it sucks. The shoe thing spiraled bc you were probably already frustrated from something else, and then his push-back just hit the trigger. Not an excuse but that's usually how it goes. The fact that you're aware and bothered by it is actually a good sign - means you give a shit.

TTim K.RegularDec 30

This is what got me to finally do some parenting classes. The yelling scared my kid and I realized I had ZERO tools for when I hit that boiling point. Turns out there's ways to recognize the feeling coming instead of going 0-100. Changed everything for me

MMike T.RegularDec 30

Have you looked into the whole nervous system regulation stuff? Not as woo as it sounds. When I learned I literally cannot think clearly once I'm yelling, a lot of stuff made sense. Now I try to take like 30 seconds alone before responding

RRandy S.RegularDec 28

lol this is why I'm terrified of 4. Everyone acts like 3 is bad but sounds like 4 is where the testing really ramps up

BBenny R.RegularDec 28

4yo testing boundaries is textbook normal but yeah your nervous system was probably already fried before the shoe incident. What's your stress level like with work/home/sleep? Usually these blow-ups are more about us being depleted than about the kid's behavior.

PPaul T.RegularDec 29

The scary him part is the gut punch right? That's what gets me every time. Like I can handle MY shame but knowing I scared him hits different.

JJames H.RegularDec 29

Same exact thing happened with my 4yo and shoes. I yelled at him over SHOES and his face just... crumpled. I felt like the worst person alive. But talking about it with him after helped him understand it wasn't his fault I lost it

RRick H.RegularDec 29

I used to have these and honestly therapy + learning my actual triggers helped way more than "just stay calm bro" ever did. Found out mine were usually when I felt disrespected or out of control. Once I knew that, I could catch it coming and step away before the 0-100 moment. Might be worth exploring what specifically set you off.

WWill S.RegularDec 29

The rage blackouts are scary as hell. After one of mine I apologized to my kid and we talked about what happened - like actually age-appropriate explaining that daddy lost control of his feelings and it wasn't his fault. Kids are more understanding about that stuff than we think. Doesn't make it ok but it helps repair things.