Anyone else get rage spikes when their kid won't listen?

My 4yo has been testing boundaries all week and yesterday I absolutely lost it over him not putting his shoes on. Like, I went from 0 to 100 in seconds and I scared him. Now I feel like absolute garbage about it. This is the second time this month I've snapped like that. My wife says I need to "manage my stress better" but it doesn't feel like stress—it feels like something flips in my brain. Has anyone dealt with this? I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.