Burnout is hitting different now that I'm a dad

Dec 171 min read

Used to get burned out at work and I could just... decompress. Take a day off, go for a hike, whatever. Now I'm burned out at work AND when I get home there's no decompression. It's just more stuff. More demands. More noise.

I love my kids (5, 7, 9) but some days I feel like I'm drowning and there's literally nowhere to go to escape. Even bathroom breaks get interrupted. How are you guys managing this?

13 comments342 views

Comments(13)

AArchie K.RegularDec 18

The decompression thing is so real. Even 20 mins in the car before I get home—podcast, silence, whatever—makes a difference. It's like a buffer between work-mode and dad-mode.

SScott W.RegularDec 18

I started going to the gym at 5:30am before anyone wakes up. It's the only time I'm not responsible for another human. Sounds exhausting but honestly it's saved my sanity.

CCarl L.RegularDec 18

Real talk: this might also be a sign to look at your job situation. If work burnout is already at a 9, adding parent fatigue isn't sustainable. Not saying quit but maybe audit where the real drain is.

NNate H.RegularDec 18

Have you tried literally just locking yourself in a room for 20 mins when you get home? Not productive time, just sitting. I know it sounds dumb but it's the only thing that's helped me reset before kid mode.

RRyan G.RegularDec 19

I started treating Sunday mornings before everyone wakes up as non-negotiable me-time. 90 mins of coffee + gym and suddenly the whole week feels less suffocating. Doesn't fix the problem but it prevents the total collapse.

EEd P.RegularDec 19

This is the burnout cascade nobody talks about. You can't actually recover because your second job (parenting) starts the second you walk in the door. That's exhausting in a different way than work burnout.

CChris R.RegularDec 19

What if you build in some micro-decompressions? Like I literally sit in the driveway for 10 mins before I go in. It's not a hike but it's something.

BBrian L.RegularDec 18

Yeah the windshield time is underrated. Or even just 15 mins in the garage before going in. Your nervous system needs the off-ramp or it never actually shuts down.

RRuben A.New DadDec 19

Might be worth talking to a therapist about this specifically. Not because you're broken but because the problem is structural - your life doesn't have built-in recovery time. Sometimes you need help redesigning it.

CCarl W.RegularDec 20

Have you talked to your partner about tag-teaming bedtime so you get ONE night a week where you can decompress? Even if it's just from 7-9pm, having a carved-out recovery window helps. You can't pour from an empty cup and all that.

TTodd N.RegularDec 20

THIS. The hike thing doesn't work anymore because you're still 'on call.' Even when you're alone you're thinking about what's waiting at home. The decompression valve is just broken.

GGreg M.RegularDec 20

to the gym comment - how long did it take before you actually stuck with it? I keep trying to do morning workouts and I give up by day 4.

PPaul M.RegularDec 20

The work burnout + parenting burnout combo is different because parenting never actually stops. Work burnout you can at least leave behind. This is 24/7 tired with no off switch.