Burnout is real and idk how to fix it | DadHQ

Burnout is real and idk how to fix it

Nov 231 min read

Work is insane right now, kids are 6 and 8, wife's got her own stuff going on, and I literally cannot remember the last time I did anything just for me. Not even anything crazy—just like, sat quietly for 20 minutes. Everything feels urgent and I'm running on fumes. I know the answer is probably "take time for yourself" but that sounds like a luxury I can't afford right now. Anyone else in the thick of it and not seeing the way out?

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Comments(29)

SSteve Q.Regular1d ago

The "running on fumes" thing is real and people don't talk about how that affects you physically. Like I didn't realize until I crashed that sleep deprivation + stress = my immune system just giving up. You might actually be sick in ways you haven't noticed yet.

MMatt J.Regular1d ago

Are you doing the bedtime routine solo? Because if both parents are tag-teaming and one of you takes nights 1-3 and the other takes 4-7, you could each get a real break night. I switched to this and it saved my life.

LLeo R.New Dad1d ago

lol same here

RRay C.Regular1d ago

I'm gonna push back a little here—when you say work is "insane right now," is that temporary or is this the new normal? Because if it's temporary, burnout is different than if this is just your baseline. Might matter for how you approach it.

GGreg W.Regular1d ago

The 6 and 8 age is objectively the hardest IMO. They need supervision but also won't just chill. Oldest is 9 now and it's slightly better. Hang in there, you will get through this phase.

DDante J.New Dad1d ago

My therapist said something that stuck: you can't pour from an empty cup isn't the problem. The problem is you keep trying anyway and then breaking. Sometimes you have to actually get the cup refilled before you can pour again.

MMarcus W.Regular1d ago

nailed it

CChad R.Regular1d ago

That 20 minutes thing hits different when you realize you haven't had it in months. I started just sitting in my car for 15 mins before going inside after work. Nothing fancy, just not being needed for 15 mins. Tiny thing but it actually helped.

PPete Y.Regular1d ago

I started doing 10 minute walks. Just around the block. Wife thought I was insane at first but then she got it. Don't even have to go far—just something where you're not actively responsible for anyone's immediate survival.

EEli L.Regular1d ago

This is the way

GGary R.Regular1d ago

So here's what I did different—stopped thinking of self-care as like a spa day and started thinking about energy. What actually restores energy for you? For me it's not sitting quietly, it's 45 mins of guitar. Different for everyone but find YOUR thing.

MMarcus L.Regular1d ago

I feel this in my bones. 8 and 5 here and I thought things would get easier but they just got different-hard. The constant vigilance is the thing that kills me more than the actual tasks.

DDanny G.Regular1d ago

Can you delegate literally anything? Even one small thing? I started having my older kid do the breakfast stuff on Saturdays while I just... existed. Freed up 30 mins. Small but it added up.

DDan M.Regular1d ago

The kids being 6 and 8 means you're in it for like 10 more years of intensity. Not to be dark but just being real. So whatever you figure out has to be sustainable, not just surviving month to month.

LLarry P.Regular1d ago

this is the exact reason i started therapy. not because anything was "wrong" but because i had no other outlet and was losing it. if you've got access through insurance it's worth trying.

MMatt W.Regular1d ago

What does your wife's "stuff" look like? Not being nosy, just wondering if you guys have actually sat down and looked at both your schedules together. Sometimes just seeing it visually helps you find pockets that aren't obvious.

LLarry K.Regular1d ago

I hate to say it but sometimes you gotta let some balls drop at work too. Not permanently, but like... does everything actually need your attention right now? I realized I was prioritizing work stuff that genuinely didn't matter while my mental health was tanking.

JJosh E.Regular1d ago

Been there. What helped for me was therapy, not like "fix me" therapy but someone to actually talk to who wasn't my wife or family. Having that outlet mattered more than the actual me time at first.

DDave K.Regular1d ago

The "just sit quietly for 20 minutes" thing—can you do that BEFORE the kids wake up? I know it sucks but I started getting up at 5:30 AM and just sitting with coffee for 20 mins before the chaos. Changed everything.

DDanny R.Regular1d ago

Reading the comments here and yeah, someone needs to say it: if the answer WAS actually just "take time for yourself," you would have already done it. You're not lazy, something about your actual situation is unsustainable. Worth looking at whether it's work, whether it's parenting load being unequal, or both.

RRussell D.Regular1d ago

Real talk: what if instead of "me time" you frame it as maintenance? Like, you wouldn't ignore an oil change on your car because you're busy. Your mental health is the same. Not a luxury, it's literally necessary maintenance for functioning.

IIan P.Regular1d ago

haha dude i was literally just thinking about this exact thing this morning. sitting in traffic felt like a vacation because i was alone. that's how you know it's bad.

TTom E.Regular1d ago

Have you looked into whether your work offers any mental health stuff? EAP programs, counseling through insurance, etc? Sometimes there are actual resources you're not using. Might be worth checking your HR portal.

GGreg M.Regular1d ago

When you say your wife has her own stuff going on—does she feel equally burned out? Or is it like different stuff? Just asking because if you're both drowning, the solution might be hiring help (even just a sitter for a few hours a week) rather than negotiating who gets a break first.

RRyan M.New Dad1d ago

Have you tried literally just telling your boss you need something to give? Not quitting but like "hey my mental health is in the red, what can we adjust?" Sometimes they have more flexibility than you'd think and sometimes they don't but at least you know.

CChris N.Regular1d ago

Have you talked to your wife about this? Because if she's got her own stuff going on, she might not realize you're running on fumes. Sometimes just naming it helps, plus maybe she has capacity to cover something for 20 mins.

SSam P.Regular1d ago

Real question: what would happen if you just... didn't do something one week? Like actually nothing. Not because it's scheduled self-care but because you're just done. I'm not advocating for it but wondering what you think would break.

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RRob K.Regular1d ago

man this is the exact stage i'm in right now. 6 and 8 year olds are like little chaos agents and work decided this was the year to give me 3 extra projects. the "take time for yourself" advice feels like someone telling you to buy a yacht when you're drowning

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CCarl S.Regular1d ago

Honest question: if you HAD to cut something, what would it be? Because something has to give and usually it's either work, parenting responsibility, marriage stuff, or self-care. You can't actually do all four at 100%.