Last year was rough. I wasn't present for my kids, snapped at them over nothing, just went through the motions. Now that I'm on meds and feeling better I look back and feel so guilty. My 7 year old asked me the other day why I'm nicer now and that broke me. How do I forgive myself? How do I make up for lost time?
Depression lies to you. It tells you that you're bad at everything when really you're just dealing with something bigger than yourself. I had a rough stretch too and getting help changed everything. It's not weakness, it's the right move.
You're not a bad dad, you're a dad who went through something hard and is now dealing with it. The fact that you hate how you acted means you actually care about your kids. That's the opposite of bad parenting. Talk to someone professional if you haven't already.
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Kids are forgiving. Way more forgiving than we deserve sometimes. You're already past the worst if you're recognizing it and trying to do better. That effort matters to them more than you know.
Being hard on yourself doesn't help anyone, especially not your kids. They need their dad present and healthy more than they need perfection. Getting support isn't admitting defeat, it's the strongest thing you can do right now.