Depression making it hard to be present

This has been a rough few months. I'm going through the motions with my kids (4 and 7) but I feel like I'm watching someone else do it. Playing with them feels like a chore. I laugh at the right times but there's nothing behind it. My wife thinks I should go back on meds but I hate how they make me feel foggy. Also terrified to admit to my doc that I'm struggling this much because what if he thinks I'm not capable? What if something happens at work? Just needed to write this down somewhere.