My 9yo asked me why I was sad yesterday. I've been dealing with depression on and off for years but never really discussed it with the kids. Told him I was just tired but he seemed like he wanted to know more. Not sure if explaining it would help him understand his dad better or just worry him more. How do you navigate this?
This is the moment that matters honestly. The fact that he ASKED means he wants to understand. You don't have to trauma-dump on a 9yo but letting him know adults have hard feelings and that's normal? That's good parenting.
The fact that he pressed when you said you were tired is actually a good sign. He sees something's off and wants to help or understand. That kid's got emotional intelligence.
The instinct to shield them is strong but what you're actually modeling is that it's okay to not be fine sometimes. That's huge. My therapist said kids appreciate honesty way more than we think.
Your kid asking you why you were sad is actually a good thing - means he cares and notices you. I did the same "just tired" thing for years with mine and it just made them think emotions weren't worth talking about. Maybe you don't need to dump everything on a 9yo, but being honest like "sometimes adults feel sad and that's ok" goes a long way.
The fact that he wanted to know more says something. Kids aren't dumb - they sense when something's off. You don't have to trauma dump on him but acknowledging "yeah dad's sad sometimes and I'm working on it" is way better than pretending everything's fine when it clearly isn't.
I've started being more open with my kids about this stuff and honestly it's helped them more than me. When they see me sad but also see me doing things to feel better (going for walks, talking to someone), they learn that's what you're supposed to do instead of just hiding it.
I did something similar with my 8yo. Just told her that everyone's brain works different sometimes and mine needs extra help. Didn't go into detail about the depression but she got it. Seemed to actually help her feel less alone too.
I'd be careful about going too deep with a 9yo. Mine is that age and he picks up on everything but also doesn't have the emotional toolkit to process heavy stuff. Maybe "sometimes adults feel sad and that's normal, I'm getting help" is the sweet spot?
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lol my 8yo did this exact same thing last week and I froze. didn't know what to say so I just told her the truth - that sometimes my brain feels heavy. she seemed to get it better than I expected. now she checks in on me sometimes which is both sweet and makes me feel guilty but also weirdly good?