Asking for real. Every night after everyone's asleep I'm on my phone for 2-3 hours. Wife pointed out it might be why I'm exhausted and grumpy. But also... it's like the only quiet time I get? I'm not sad exactly, just kinda numb. Is this a thing I should be concerned about or normal dad life.
The numb feeling is the part that concerns me more than the scrolling. You can be not-depressed and still numb from exhaustion, but it's worth checking in with yourself (or a therapist) about. The scrolling might be a symptom rather than the problem.
The numb feeling + the scrolling combo suggests this might be worth talking to someone about. Not necessarily depression, but sleep deprivation looks a lot like depression. Try actually sleeping for a week and see if your mood improves. If not, check with a doctor.
The "only quiet time I get" thing is the real issue here. You need that decompression time, you're just using the wrong tool. Maybe phone scrolling for 20 min, then actually try to sleep? Two hours is stealing your sleep and making everything worse.
That's not really a "am I depressed" question, that's a "I'm using my phone as a coping mechanism" question. The numbness + the late-night scrolling + the exhaustion the next day = that cycle feeds itself. It might not be depression but it's definitely worth examining what you're avoiding by scrolling instead of sleeping.
This is worth talking to someone about. Not because it's definitely depression but because the numbing + exhaustion + using screens to escape = pattern worth understanding. Might be just dad burnout, might be something else. Only way to know is to talk to a professional.
The "only quiet time I get" part is the real issue. The scrolling is just how you're filling it. You don't have a phone problem, you have a "I need actual downtime" problem. Addressing the real issue (not enough quiet/alone time) might solve the scrolling naturally.
It's probably both things - you do need quiet time, AND the scrolling is messing with your sleep and mood. Your wife might be onto something. Maybe you need quiet time that doesn't involve a screen? Like, read something physical, sit outside, anything that lets your brain actually shut down instead of scrolling infinitely.
That 2-3 hours of late night phone scrolling is a real concern worth addressing. Not because scrolling = depression, but because it's clearly replacing actual sleep and recovery time. The numb feeling + exhaustion + grumpiness could improve a lot if you cut that down even to 30-45 minutes.
Your wife is onto something. The late-night scrolling is probably connected to the grumpiness and exhaustion. Not because you're depressed but because 2-3 hours of blue light then 5-6 hours of sleep destroys your mood. The quiet time thing is valid but there's quieter ways to get it (reading, just being awake quietly, etc).
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I did this exact thing for like two years. Thought it was just my coping mechanism. Then I finally tried putting the phone down earlier and sleeping more, and everything got better - my mood, my patience, my energy. The numb feeling went away. Turns out late-night doom scrolling was creating the depression symptoms, not the other way around.