Feel like I'm failing everyone - wife, kids, work, myself

Dec 241 min read

I'm 42, got a 4yo and a 2yo, working from home which sounds convenient but it's a nightmare. I can't focus on work, I'm snapping at my wife constantly, and the kids are acting out because they can tell I'm stressed. I feel like I'm just... bad at all of it. Not even doing one thing well. How do other dads juggle this without feeling like they're drowning? I don't want to be that guy but I'm genuinely considering if everyone would be better off if I just wasn't around. Not like that - I just mean like, maybe I'm the problem.

11 comments365 views

Comments(11)

OOmar S.RegularDec 24

Kids acting out because they sense the tension is real - they're not dumb. But you gotta take care of yourself first or everyone gets worse. Therapy might actually help here.

RRob P.RegularDec 24

WFH with young kids is marketing bullshit. "You'll be home!" Yeah you'll be home AND expected to work AND expected to parent. Pick two.

OOwen F.RegularDec 27

You're not failing them by being at your limit. You might be failing them if you don't ask for help. That's the actual parenting move.

TThomas H.RegularDec 25

The snapping at your wife part hits hard. When you're overwhelmed that's who catches it. Have you told her straight up that you're drowning?

NNate C.New DadDec 24

42 with a 2yo is different - less energy than you had at 32 but same expectations. That mismatch is brutal. Have you actually talked to your wife about dividing stuff?

DDean F.RegularDec 25

lol the 4yo and 2yo era is peak chaos, don't be hard on yourself. Real talk though - the constant snapping usually means something's gotta give. Can you block off even 2 hours where your wife handles both kids and you just... don't work? Or flip it? Sometimes it's not about working harder but about actually stopping for a minute.

KKent R.RegularDec 25

Real shit - 4yo and 2yo at the same time while WFH is actually insane. That's not failing, that's just objectively hard. You need actual help, not bootstraps.

OOmar S.RegularDec 26

The WFH + young kids combo is genuinely broken. You're not failing, you're just trying to do 3 full-time jobs at once. That snapping at your wife thing? Classic sign you're running on empty, not that you're a bad person. Have you been able to talk to your wife about literally just... lowering expectations for a few months? Like maybe work output dips but you both survive?

GGreg H.RegularDec 27

The kids acting out thing - that's actually them responding to YOUR stress, not a failure on your part. Kids are sensitive to that stuff. But yeah you need to get some support, whether that's therapy, your wife understanding you need 30 mins alone every day, or literally just admitting to your boss that WFH with toddlers isn't sustainable.

FFrank K.RegularDec 26

Dude I was in this exact spot 3 years ago. Working from home sounded amazing until I realized I was basically never clocking out, never getting a break from the kids, never getting actual work done. The guilt spiral made everything worse. Honestly? Therapy helped me see that I wasn't failing anyone - I was just drowning. Worth looking into if you can.

CChris T.RegularDec 27

Seriously consider talking to your boss about this - even part-time childcare coverage or adjusted hours could change everything. Your current setup is unsustainable.