Feeling lonely even though I'm never alone

Dec 241 min read

Been thinking about this a lot lately. I've got my family around me constantly but I feel really isolated? Like nobody really knows me outside of being a dad and a husband. My friends all seem to have their stuff together and I don't want to burden them with my stuff. I haven't had a real conversation with another adult male about anything real in probably years. Anyone else feel this way or is it just me being weird?

10 comments491 views

Comments(10)

HHugh S.RegularDec 24

The loneliness paradox is brutal. You're touched out, never alone, but also completely invisible as a person. That's not weakness, that's actually a sign you need some space to just... exist as yourself and not perform the dad/husband role for a bit.

SSam F.New DadDec 24

Man I felt this hard. Got diagnosed with depression last year and realized a lot of it was because I'd completely erased my own identity. Started joining a rec basketball league just to be around adults who know me as something other than Dad. Game changer.

MMiles B.New DadDec 27

Yep. Same boat. Started a book club with some work buddies and suddenly I had something that was MINE and a place where people asked what I thought about stuff that wasn't dad-related. Sounds small but it's been huge for the loneliness.

TTony F.RegularDec 25

I had this exact feeling and it took me a while to realize that constant visibility as 'dad' was making me invisible as a person. Like nobody had asked me an actual question about myself in years, they just asked about the kids. Started a stupid hobby (woodworking) just to have something that was MINE and it genuinely helped. Not because the hobby matters but because it carved out space where I wasn't performing.

CChris N.RegularDec 27

This hits different because you're not depressed exactly, you're just... unseen. Have you thought about what you'd do or talk about if the kids and wife weren't part of the picture? Like what's the actual you underneath?

WWill T.RegularDec 26

You're not alone in this feeling (ironically). The role of dad/husband can completely swallow who you are as a person. Have you thought about individual therapy? Not because anything's wrong with you but because having someone whose job is literally to know YOU outside those roles can help.

OOmar S.RegularDec 26

This hits different. I've got the same thing - wife, two kids, barely work from home so I'm "available" constantly but I feel like nobody asks me how I'm actually doing. They ask about work or what's for dinner but not like... me me.

NNick J.RegularDec 26

The 'your friends all seem to have their own thing' part - do they though or is that just what you see from the outside? Because honestly a lot of dads feel exactly like this but don't say it. Might be worth saying it to someone instead of just assuming everyone else has it figured out.

MMack G.New DadDec 26

The feeling of being invisible while surrounded by people who depend on you... that's real and it's a lot of dads. Your post is cut off but I'd guess your friends are in the same boat and don't know how to talk about it either?

LLuca P.RegularDec 27

This is real and more common than you think. You can be surrounded by people and still feel like nobody sees YOU, the actual person underneath the 'dad' label. It's isolating in a weird way. Do your friends know anything about your interests/anxieties/weird thoughts or do you just talk logistics with them?