Feeling pretty isolated lately

Aug 151 min read

Recently moved for work and haven't made friends yet. Most of my old buddies are childless so they don't really get why I can't just go out on weekends. My wife has her mom group but I feel like as a dad there's nowhere for me to connect with other people going through the same stuff. Spending a lot of time alone with my thoughts and it's not great. Any suggestions on finding dad communities or am I just being antisocial?

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Comments(5)

101

DDrewExperiencedSep 8

Personally, my time with friends decreased substantially when we first had kids (it's improved drastically over the years). I was 30 when our first was born for reference. Over time, our social time increased but the first few years are difficult for many reasons. I socialize with clients who have become friends, Rotary club, music jam nights, etc. If you like the Dads your kids (eventually) go to school with, then great. Also, through coaching I've met some quality dads. Adult sports. I also don't drink so had to work around the "grabbing a beer" style of hanging. The days of going out and raging ended. Good luck.

KKevinNew DadAug 16

Your old friends probably feel the same thing too, not just because they don't have kids but because everyone's schedules get crazy once you do. It's not personal. I'd say lean into meeting other dads even if it feels weird at first. Parent groups, little league stuff, whatever. That's where your people are now.

EEvan M.RegularAug 17

This one hits hard because I went through something similar. The isolation after becoming a parent is real and it feels extra lonely when you move on top of it. My therapist actually helped me a lot with this - if you're not already talking to someone, might be worth it.

EEvan M.RegularAug 17

Man, this is tough. I moved to Boulder for work five years ago and it took me like a year to really build a friend group. The dad community helped a lot though - joined a local hiking group and met other parents that way. Have you checked if there's anything like that in your area? Sometimes it's easier to connect through kids' activities.

MMatt R.RegularAug 17

Childless friends are weird about dad life, I agree. But also be patient with yourself - you're in a new place AND adjusting to parenthood. That's a lot. Give it a few more months before you decide you can't make real friends there.