I lie awake at night sometimes wondering if I'm screwing my kids up. Like am I too strict? Not strict enough? Am I patient enough? I compare myself to other dads at school events and feel like everyone else has it figured out. Anyone else deal with this constant background anxiety about parenting?
I used to have this exact spiral in my head with my oldest. What actually helped was asking my wife for real feedback instead of just catastrophizing in my own head at 2am. She could tell me which things were actually working and where I might adjust. You're probably doing better than you think.
This is the parenting anxiety that gets me too. With three kids I've just had to accept that I'm going to mess up sometimes and that's okay. Your kids don't need perfect, they need present. Sounds like you're already there.
Four kids here and I still get these moments. The fact that you're questioning yourself means you actually care. The parents I've seen screw things up aren't the ones losing sleep over being good enough - they're the ones who don't think about it at all.
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The lying awake at night thing is brutal. I do the same thing some nights. But here's what I've realized - you're worried about being too strict or not strict enough, which probably means you're somewhere in the middle and doing fine. The kids who turn out okay usually have parents who are at least thinking about it like you are.