How do I tell my boss I'm struggling without it affecting my job?

Dec 101 min read

I've been at my company 8 years and they're good people, but I've been battling pretty bad anxiety for the past 6 months and some days I call in because I just can't face the office. I haven't told anyone at work because I'm paranoid it'll hurt my promotion chances or they'll see me as unreliable. My therapist says I should be more open about it but I have two kids and a mortgage and I can't risk this job. Anyone navigate this successfully? How much should an employer really know?

11 comments182 views

Comments(11)

GGreg H.RegularDec 10

The fact that you've been there 8 years actually works in your favor here. You've proven yourself. Just be honest - frame it as 'I want to stay in my role and do good work, which means I need support.' Most managers appreciate that.

EEric V.RegularDec 10

Have you looked into what your company's EAP offers? Most provide free therapy sessions and it's completely confidential - your boss doesn't even know you're using it.

FFinn M.RegularDec 11

This is the anxiety talking though - that fear that it'll "affect your job" when actually being honest about what you're dealing with usually helps. I told my boss about mine and he was like "yeah several of us are dealing with this."

DDan W.RegularDec 11

The calling in thing is what will flag it eventually anyway. Better to get ahead of it and own the narrative rather than waiting for them to notice a pattern. When you tell them matters more than the telling itself.

DDwayne S.RegularDec 11

This is scary to do but staying quiet is scarier long-term. Anxiety doesn't get better on its own. I waited 4 months and it got way worse. Had to take FMLA anyway which was more disruptive than just talking to my boss would've been

RReggie T.New DadDec 11

8 years at a company and you haven't told them? Dude, they're more likely to work WITH you on this than you think. Especially if they're good people like you say. Bad anxiety days happen. Frame it as "here's what I need to manage this better."

KKarl J.RegularDec 11

8 years is a long relationship with a company so they should want to support you. Have you thought about asking for EAP (Employee Assistance Program) resources first? That way you've got professional backup when you talk to your boss.

LLiam S.RegularDec 12

Just tell him you're dealing with some health stuff and need to explore treatment options. You don't owe details beyond that. If he pushes back on a reasonable accommodation after 8 years that says everything about whether you want to stay anyway

TTodd N.RegularDec 12

I was terrified to say something too. Turns out my manager had been through the same thing. Once I opened up about it we actually worked out a schedule that helped - some WFH days, afternoon flexibility. Give them a chance.

AArchie K.RegularDec 12

How bad are we talking - like can't get out of bed bad or more like panic attacks when you walk in the office? I ask because the conversation changes a bit depending on severity and whether you might need actual time off

MMike T.RegularDec 13

Calling in because of anxiety is rough. I did that for like 3 months before finally telling my manager and honestly it was a relief. He was way more understanding than I expected.