My wife makes about 30% more than me and while I'm genuinely happy for her, something in my brain keeps making it about MY value. Like logically I know that's dumb, but the anxiety about being the "provider" is still there even though we're both providing. Is this just outdated dad brain stuff or is anyone else dealing with this? How do you quiet that voice?
That something in your brain is pretty normal man. Even when we logically support our partners, the ego still takes a hit sometimes. Have you talked about it?
Real talk, if this is about providing for your family, remember that 70% of the household income from you is still providing. You're not failing her.
30% more is significant but try to remember it's her achievement, not a reflection on you. Two income household is better than one anyway right?
Does she ever make you feel bad about it or is this internal? Because if it's just you processing it, that's different than her creating the stress.
The money talk is hard because it ties into identity and self-worth. Maybe focus on what you're both trying to achieve together instead of comparing numbers.
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Have you two talked about financial goals together? Sometimes framing it as a team effort instead of comparing individual salaries helps shift the dynamic.