Work is insane, kids are needy, wife's frustrated with me for not helping enough even though I feel like I'm doing everything, and I'm tired all the time. Like bone-deep tired. Not sleeping well, no energy, food tastes weird. Can't remember the last time I did something just for me. Everyone depends on me and I don't have anything left to give. How does anyone balance this?
How many kids and what are their ages? Because "kids are needy" changes meaning if you've got a 3yo and newborn vs. kids who are in school. Might help us understand the actual load you're carrying.
I was in exactly this spot last year. Turned out I had low testosterone + actually depressed and didn't realize it. Not saying that's you, but burnout at this level usually has something underneath it. Went to my GP thinking I just needed better sleep habits and walked out with a referral to therapy and bloodwork. Worth checking.
The "no energy for anything" part is what got me. You're functioning, doing your job, parenting, but there's nothing left. I cut back on stuff I thought I had to do—not the kids obviously, but stopped trying to keep the house perfect, meal planned less, took some work off my plate. Wife actually noticed the difference when I stopped trying so hard.
The bone-deep tired + wife frustrated is a dangerous combo. That's usually when something needs to give. Are you actually getting breaks, or are you working AND parenting 24/7 with no off-time?
Real talk: bone-deep tired + not sleeping well + wife frustrated = you need to actually REST, not just stop working. Take a full day off if you can. Not helping with kids, not doing chores. Just sleep and decompress. One day can reset things.
"Not sleeping well, no energy" - these two are connected and they're also depression symptoms. Not saying you definitely have it, but that combo is worth a checkup with your doctor. Burnout and depression can look the same from the inside.
The frustrating part is you probably ARE doing a lot, but your wife might be running on fumes and seeing things differently. Not saying she's right if you're legitimately pulling your weight, but "I feel like I'm doing everything" and "she's frustrated I'm not helping enough" suggests you guys need to actually talk through what help looks like to her specifically.
"even though I feel like I'm doing everything" paired with wife frustrated you're not helping enough—that's the gap right there. Not saying she's right, but that perception mismatch is exhausting for both of you. Maybe not her frustration that's the problem, maybe the fact neither of you feels seen doing what you're actually doing.
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Bone-deep tired is different. That's not "I need more sleep" tired, that's burnout tired. The fact you're not sleeping well even when you could sleep is the real red flag here. Have you actually talked to a doctor about this?