Loneliness is hitting different now that I'm a dad

5d ago1 min read

I thought I'd feel less lonely once I had a family but sometimes I feel more alone than before. My wife is great but she can't be my everything and most of my old friendships faded once the kids came. I'm busy all the time but I feel isolated. Like I'm just going through the motions of work and parenting without really connecting with anyone. Not sure what the solution is but I know I need more than just surface-level dad small talk.

7 comments233 views

Comments(7)

KKevin M.New Dad3d ago

The identity shift hits different. You were one person before and now you're always 'the dad.' Not saying that's bad but it can feel lonely in a crowded room, you know? Have you found any outlet or hobby that's just for you?

SStevenRegular5d ago

Yeah this resonates. I have two kids and a wife and most nights I still feel like I'm on an island. You're not alone in feeling alone if that makes sense. For me it's because everyone needs something different from me and there's no one really checking in on how I'm doing. Just survival mode some days.

DDanielRegular5d ago

Single dad here so I might have a different perspective but honestly the loneliness got better once I stopped expecting my daughter to fill that gap. Found a dad group locally and that helped. Even just grabbing coffee with other dads who get it makes a difference. You're not broken for feeling this way.

KKevin M.New Dad5d ago

Have you tried talking to your wife about this? My co-parenting situation actually forced me to get better at communicating because I had to be more intentional about connecting with my kids and ex. But I get it, loneliness in a crowd is real. Sometimes you need actual adult interaction that isn't about logistics.

DDanielRegular5d ago

Man this really resonates. Some nights after everyone's in bed I just sit there and feel the quiet in a way I didn't expect. Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong though.

PPhillip M.New Dad4d ago

I hear you on this. There's this weird paradox where you're around people all day but still feel disconnected somehow. Have you talked to your wife about it or are you just kind of processing it alone?

CCodyNew Dad4d ago

This is real and I don't think enough dads talk about it. You go from your own thing to being responsible for a whole human and suddenly you don't have the same space you used to. It's isolating even when you're never actually alone.