Loneliness is hitting harder now that friends have moved

Dec 121 min read

Three of my closest friends moved away for work in the past year. My wife has her book club and friend group but I don't really have that. Work friends are fine but we don't talk about real stuff. Most of my social interaction is with my kids (7 and 4) or my wife. I love them but it's not the same as having guy friends I can just... be with. How do you actually make friends as an adult dad? Feel like I'm failing at basic human connection.

10 comments485 views

Comments(10)

JJamal W.RegularDec 12

This hits. My best friend moved to Austin 18 months ago and I still haven't really replaced that friendship. It's not the same with new people

HHarvey L.RegularDec 12

the book club thing is real - your wife has an automatic thing and friends, and you're just... at work, at home, at work. getting hobbies helped me but honestly the loneliness part is the harder thing to fix

AAllen K.RegularDec 13

have you thought about initiating with the work friends more? like actually asking one to grab lunch not on campus? sometimes the line only exists because nobody pushes past it

MMike F.RegularDec 13

The book club vs "we don't talk about real stuff" thing is so real. Dads don't get as much permission to have friend groups that are actually supportive. But they're out there - gotta find your people sometimes outside the default circles.

OOmar S.RegularDec 14

Have you tried reaching out to any of those three friends who moved? Even just regular calls or gaming together remotely? Not the same obviously but better than full silence and reminds you the friendship didn't die.

PPete A.RegularDec 13

work friends are hard because you can't really complain about stuff to them. there's an invisible line. have you talked to your wife about needing to build something separate from her group? not in a weird way, just being honest about it

AAl G.RegularDec 14

Real talk - have you thought about trying to join something? Like a dad group or sport league or even just recurring coffee with one work friend you actually vibe with? The isolation spiral gets worse the longer you let it sit.

KKurt D.RegularDec 14

This hits different. The friend group thing for dads is legit harder because it's not as automatic as it is for a lot of women. Work friends not talking about real stuff is the loneliest feeling because you're around people all day but still isolated.

EEric V.RegularDec 14

Three friends in one year is brutal. That's a lot of relationships to grieve on top of trying to stay present for your wife and kids. Have you and your wife talked about this? Because sometimes partners don't realize how much the friend shift is hitting until you say it.

TTony G.RegularDec 14

three people in a year is rough. have you tried finding a dad group or anything? i know it sounds cheesy but having people who get the specific weird stuff about being a dad made a huge difference for me