Stay at home with the kids while wife works and I'm more isolated than I've ever been. Spend all day with little kids and then she comes home stressed from work so we don't really connect. Don't have other dad friends nearby to talk to. Not depressed exactly but definitely lonely and nobody warns you about this part. Trying to get out more and join some dad groups but it's awkward at first.
Stay at home dad life is isolating, man. I'm only six months in with one kid but even I feel that disconnect sometimes. Maybe try connecting with other stay at home parents if you can, sounds like you need that community.
Four kids, house is chaos, but I remember those days as the stay at home parent being the loneliest. The disparity between your exhaustion and hers coming home stressed is real. You both need to talk about that gap.
What you're describing is real and it's worth taking seriously. Being home all day is isolating in ways people don't talk about enough. Have you looked into parent groups or dad groups in your area? Even one morning a week at a park or coffee shop with other adults makes a difference.
I get it even though my situation is different. Isolation can creep up on you. Try scheduling regular time with other dads if you can find a group. And don't underestimate how much a simple phone call with a friend during naptime can reset your mental health.
This is important stuff to address because burnout as a stay at home parent is real. Your mental health matters just as much as taking care of the kids. Have you talked to your wife about getting some regular me time or adult interaction? She might not realize how isolated you're feeling.
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The loneliness is brutal and nobody prepares you for it. You're doing the hardest job of all day but you're doing it alone. Getting out of the house helps - library story time, parent meetups, even just chatting with other parents at the playground. You need adult conversation.