We were driving to school and he was being loud, typical kid stuff, and I snapped at him. Then he goes "Dad why are you always mad?" and I had to pull over because I literally couldn't see. I'm not always angry - or am I? Idk anymore. This is the wake up call I needed. Need to find a therapist ASAP because my kids don't deserve this version of me.
man this hits. had basically the same moment at a red light last month. my kid asked 'why do you yell more now' and i realized i've been a different person since work got insane. getting help now but that comment broke something open in me
Your kid being loud in the car is literally just... being 9. The fact that he called you out instead of just shutting down is actually a good sign he feels safe talking to you, even about hard stuff
That moment where your kid holds up a mirror and you can't look at your own reflection hits different. I'm glad you pulled over instead of doubling down. A lot of guys don't get that far.
This post made me sign up for therapy. Not even exaggerating. I recognized myself in the 'always angry' thing and realized my kids are gonna remember Dad as the guy who yelled, not the guy who was there. Glad you're working through it
I need to pull over when mine asks stuff like this too. What helped me was realizing being angry at his volume isn't about his volume - it's about me being full of other stuff. Have you got space to decompress before commute time, or does he get the raw version of your whole day?
The fact that you recognize it as 'not all the time' but your kid sees it that way... that's actually important data. Kids notice patterns we think we're hiding. Have you talked to anyone about what's driving the anger?
Being called out by your own kid is rough man. But honestly? That's a gift. A lot of dads never get that wake-up call and their kids grow up confused about why dad hates them (when he doesn't). The fact that your 9yo felt safe enough to ask means you're still the guy he trusts.
I've been there. His noise was just being a kid but I was reacting like he'd committed a crime. Turns out I was bringing work stress home and just... detonating at the smallest things. Started therapy and it changed everything. Not blaming you, just saying - that car moment? It can be the start of something better if you let it.
Have you looked into anger management stuff specifically? Not saying there's anything 'wrong' with you, but there are actual techniques that help when you feel that snap coming. Breathing thing, name the feeling, etc. Might help in those car moments
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You pulled over - that's already better parenting than you probably think you're doing. A lot of us just keep snapping. The fact that it bothered you enough to process it means you care