My dad never asked for help and now I'm realizing that's why I can't either

Dec 221 min read

Had this weird realization in bed last night. My dad was the type who just powered through everything - stressed about money, had health issues, tough marriage - but never TALKED about any of it. Just kinda imploded quietly. And I'm doing the exact same thing. My wife asked me today if I was okay and I said yes when I'm clearly not okay. Then I realized I don't actually know how to admit when I'm struggling without feeling weak. Anyone work through this pattern?

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Comments(9)

CChris T.RegularDec 23

You just described my entire childhood lol. Dad would be clearly upset about something and if you asked what was wrong, he'd say "nothing" and that was the end of it. I'm actively trying to be different with my kids - like actually naming emotions and stuff - but man it feels unnatural sometimes.

MMarcus W.RegularDec 24

This realization is actually the hardest part though. Now that you SEE it, you gotta actively choose to do something different. That's exhausting in its own way. Worth it, but definitely harder than just white-knuckling like he did.

PPhil B.RegularDec 24

The "powered through" thing is such a trap. My therapist pointed out that my dad's approach meant he never actually SOLVED anything, just white-knuckled through it. Now I'm doing the same with my anxiety and it's not working any better for me than it did for him.

CChris F.RegularDec 24

The "never talked about it" part is so relatable. My dad had like three conversations with me total about anything real. Now I catch myself doing the same thing with my kids and have to literally force myself to share what I'm actually feeling instead of just grunting and moving on.

FFrank D.RegularDec 24

This is hitting different for me too. My dad would come home stressed as hell from work and just watch TV in silence for hours. Never mentioned it. Now I catch myself doing the exact same thing with my wife - just shutting down instead of actually talking. It's wild how much we mirror that stuff without realizing.

LLuca P.RegularDec 25

lol same bro. Took me years of therapy to realize I was literally mimicking his response pattern - just white-knuckling through everything. Have you tried actually talking to him about it or does that feel impossible?

DDerek P.RegularDec 25

real talk - have you talked to your dad about this? mine finally admitted at like 65 that he was depressed for most of his life and just never dealt with it. hearing him say that gave me permission to actually get help myself.

RRaj P.RegularDec 25

This hits different. My old man did the exact same thing and I didn't realize until like 40 how much I internalized that 'just deal with it' mentality. Now I'm trying to unlearn it with my own kids so they don't think emotions = weakness. Still hard though.

GGreg W.RegularDec 23

What's wild is realizing that "powering through" probably cost him way more - stress-related health stuff, marriage issues - than just talking about it would've. Trying to break that cycle with my family too.