My dad was emotionally absent and I'm terrified I'm doing the same thing

Dec 271 min read

I grew up barely talking to my dad about feelings or anything real. He was just... there but not really present. Now I have three boys and sometimes I catch myself being exactly like him—physically present but mentally checked out, not asking about their day, just going through motions. It scares me. I'm trying to be different but I don't even know where to start because I don't have a model for what good parenting looks like. Is this something therapy could actually help with or am I too far gone?

4 comments355 views

Comments(4)

GGabe R.RegularDec 28

You breaking the cycle matters so much. Just being aware of it like this puts you miles ahead of where your dad was. My kids actually talk to me about stuff because I made myself available emotionally even when it felt awkward at first.

BBrandonNew DadDec 28

The fact that you're worried about this means you're not going to repeat his pattern. People who are actually emotionally absent don't spend time worrying about being emotionally present. You're already different.

RRobertRegularDec 29

Have you considered therapy specifically for this? Working through your own stuff with your dad while learning new communication patterns could help you feel less terrified and more confident in the parenting style you actually want.

EEric W.New DadDec 29

Start small. Ask your kids about their day in detail. Ask them how they felt about something. Model talking about your own feelings. It's going to feel weird at first if you didn't grow up with it, but kids respond so well to it.