Partner says I need to "just stop worrying" about finances

Dec 111 min read

We're fine financially—good jobs, no crazy debt—but I can't shut off the anxiety about money. I lie awake thinking about medical bills, college funds, what if I lose my job. My wife thinks I'm being irrational and keeps saying "we have savings, stop catastrophizing." And logically I know she's right? But knowing something and feeling it are different things. Is this just anxiety I need to deal with or is there something actually wrong with how we're handling money that I'm sensing?

11 comments25 views

Comments(11)

FFred J.RegularDec 12

My therapist told me anxiety isn't solved by removing all risk (impossible anyway) but by building tolerance for uncertainty. Like you could have $10M and still worry about "what if." Might help to reframe this as anxiety management rather than money management.

CCarl D.RegularDec 12

Your wife doesn't get it. That's the thing—"just stop worrying" sounds nice but doesn't actually address the anxiety. It's not like you're choosing to feel this way at 3am about medical bills.

MMike R.New DadDec 13

The gap between "we're actually fine" and "feeling fine about it" is real. You might need to separate the logic (you ARE secure) from the feeling (your brain doesn't believe it).

LLarry K.RegularDec 12

Your wife might not get the anxiety piece because it's not actually about whether you have enough money right now. It's about control and future scenarios. Money anxiety is legit even when your financial situation is solid. That's not irrational, that's your brain trying to protect you.

JJoe C.RegularDec 12

The thing is you can be both fine financially AND have legitimate anxiety about money. Those aren't mutually exclusive. Show her that distinction—this isn't about reality, it's about your brain's threat detection being set too high.

SSam P.RegularDec 13

I had the exact same pattern. Good job, savings, no debt, but constantly spiraling about catastrophe scenarios. Turns out I have generalized anxiety disorder and not just being "responsible." Might be worth getting screened?

RRon D.New DadDec 13

Does your wife's income comment feel dismissive? Like she's saying you shouldn't worry because she makes decent money too? Because that's not really the point if you're the one spiraling about it.

SSam T.New DadDec 13

Have you talked to someone? Like a therapist? Because the lying awake thinking about college funds when you're already in good shape financially sounds like anxiety that's worth actually addressing, not just being told to chill.

RRick H.RegularDec 13

I'm in this exact spot. Good jobs, minimal debt, solid savings, and I still obsess over job loss scenarios. My wife thinks I'm catastrophizing but honestly I think some of us just have this money anxiety wired differently.

TTerrence J.RegularDec 14

lying awake about medical bills and college funds when you don't even have kids yet? That's anxiety that's above reddit pay grade honestly. Have you talked to anyone professional about this?

BBob M.RegularDec 14

"just stop worrying" is never the move. She means well but that's like telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. Anxiety doesn't respond to logic, it needs actual strategies.