Postpartum depression... for dads?

Dec 181 min read

We just had our second kid 2 months ago. Wife's doing great, seems happy, adjusting well. But I feel... empty? Detached from the baby even though I wanted him so badly. I keep thinking about all the things I messed up with my first son and how I'll probably do it again. At night I get these intrusive thoughts about something bad happening. Is this normal dad stuff or should I talk to someone? It's making me feel guilty that I'm not overjoyed like I should be.

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Comments(8)

DDale A.RegularDec 19

I felt exactly like this after our second. Wanted him so badly but felt like I was watching myself from outside my body for months. Turns out I had hormone shifts too (less testosterone dip when cortisol is elevated). Got some therapy and it changed everything. You're not broken.

TTerry O.RegularDec 20

Hey man, what you're describing sounds real and valid. Postpartum depression doesn't just happen to moms - it's a hormonal and life-shift thing that affects a lot of dads too. The emptiness + detachment combo especially. Talk to your doc about it, seriously. No shame at all.

SSam T.New DadDec 20

Have you talked to your wife about what you're feeling or are you keeping it internal? Sometimes just saying it out loud to someone helps you figure out what's actually going on vs what's just anxiety/exhaustion

BBen H.RegularDec 20

The detachment thing hits different when it's your second kid and you expected to feel more "ready" this time. I remember thinking "why am I not bonding with him like I did with my first?" Talked to my doctor and got some help. Definitely worth exploring with someone professional.

OOscar D.New DadDec 20

The detachment piece is so hard to admit because everyone expects dads to just be fine. But the second kid hits different - your identity gets shaken again, you're not the 'new dad' anymore, you're managing chaos. That emptiness makes sense even if it feels wrong.

BByron S.RegularDec 18

lol 'seems happy' - bro that's often a MASK. second kid makes moms anxious af too. maybe ask her real questions instead of assuming she's fine?

TTodd N.RegularDec 20

This is real and more common than you think. Postpartum depression and anxiety hit dads hard too - hormones aren't just a mom thing, stress + sleep deprivation + identity shift hits different with a second kid. Have you talked to your doctor about this?

SSteve B.RegularDec 20

I went through something similar after our second and didn't realize it til like 5 months in when my wife asked if I was okay. Turns out I had some pretty significant depression. Therapy + some lifestyle stuff really helped. You're not alone in this.