Postpartum depression hits different when you're the dad

Dec 271 min read

My wife had a rough delivery with our second kid (born in December) and she's been in therapy which is great. But nobody really talks about how the DAD feels watching your partner struggle, being the support system, AND trying to manage two kids while your whole life is upside down. I'm not depressed I don't think, but I'm exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't fix. The pediatrician, the lactation consultant, everyone focuses on mom - which is right - but sometimes I feel invisible. Anyone else been here?

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Comments(10)

MMax R.RegularDec 29

Have you talked to her about how YOU'RE doing? Not in a "woe is me" way but like genuine conversation? Because sometimes our partners in that state feel guilty adding their struggles on top of the wife's PPD, but honestly it might help her to know you're not okay either. Makes it less isolating for both of you.

PPete Y.RegularDec 30

I felt this so much after our second. My wife was in a dark place for like 4 months and I was trying to be strong for her AND the kids AND work, and I just... broke. Started having panic attacks at my desk. Finally told my wife I needed help too and we got me into therapy as couples counseling first, then individual. It helped so much to hear a professional say it's ok that I'm struggling too.

RRaj P.RegularDec 29

Nobody talks about it because society expects you to just be the support system, not have your own feelings about it. But watching someone you love struggle that hard and not being able to fix it? That's heavy. Glad your wife got into therapy. You getting any support yourself?

CChris F.RegularDec 29

The guilt I felt was insane. Like she's the one with PPD but somehow I felt selfish for being sad about it too. Took me a while to realize those feelings aren't mutually exclusive - we can both be struggling.

PPatrick W.RegularDec 29

My wife had it bad and honestly I felt angry a lot - angry at her for not being "better", angry at myself for feeling angry, angry at the situation. Turns out that's pretty normal and talking about it helped. Don't sit with that alone

WWade G.RegularDec 28

The fact that you're even aware that nobody talks about this means you're probably doing better than most dads in your situation. But yeah, the grief/fear/helplessness combo is different when it's your partner going through it

LLou P.RegularDec 29

lol same energy as "I'm fine" while internally screaming

MMarcus W.RegularDec 28

Watching your partner break down while also trying to hold everything together is brutal. I had no idea what postpartum even meant until it happened to us. Definitely second the therapy comment - did your wife find someone who specializes in postpartum stuff or just general?

TTyler H.RegularDec 28

December babies are rough because there's also holiday chaos on top of everything else. Your wife's doing the therapy thing which is huge - have you talked to anyone? Because sounds like you're carrying a lot too and that's not sustainable

MMarcus J.RegularDec 30

This is so real. My wife had PPD after our third and I was basically solo parenting while also being her emotional support which... you can't do both fully. Therapist finally told me I needed to stop trying to "fix" it and just be present, which sounds the same but hits different when someone says it